this early into the yr. r we srs

i’m sick somebody save me

You don’t need a good reason to not want kids. I hate touching poop and I’m happy with my Spotify algorithm.

this meeting could've been an orgy

the man @ the diner this morning had such a beautiful slicked back ponytail and i wish i could be him

‘slut era’ denotes that being slutty has a beginning and an end and i refuse to be constrained by timelines

at least strippers get paid for their daddy issues mine have zero monetary value

Upon the occasion of my funeral, (should there be any in attendance), please instruct the driver of the hearse bearing my mortal remains to lead everyone though a Dunks drive-thru

thank god. u have the trifecta

is a long beard u can stroke whilst thinking also in the cards ? or like r we just going at this one step at a time

it never ends

me when i found out what rocky mountain oysters were on chopped :(

hot soup + small naturals

grow it out long asf like a wizard. but u have to get the pointy hat

is this a real thing being offered ???? tell me where so i can stay far away

about to go into battle (taking makeup off and potentially 1/3 of a skincare routine)

yall do not wna know how long it took me to understand why everyone was saying skeets in the first place

listen i clean my bellybutton but is there any tips to avoid That Feeling

give a thought say a prayer (to me) i’m feeling heinous rn

3 days off n didn’t decide to have a bev until the night b4 i go to work

“Grandpa tell us again about your legendary 140 character ass eating tweets”

*from inside the dumpster behind Arby’s

Do you like me as more than a friend?

that parsley sage thyme combo. sage so underrated :(

black olive 🩷😍🥰💖✨ green olive ☹️😡👎🏼🔪💔

People don’t value scrounging anymore. Scrounging is an invaluable tool passed down from generation to generation

nobody was supposed to see this stop

wym beef tallow moisturizer i’m never rubbing anything with beef in the name on my face