Today i woke up late because i forgot to set an alarm and then spilled coffee on my blue dress shirt three separate times

All I’m saying is that if god was really so kind he would make it so i could eat candy all day and not become extremely unhealthy

They should make a new kind of animal maybe something that looks like a monkey or a little dog

Every day on my bus ride i pass these luxury apartments and i can see in the windows and they all have the ugliest lamps imaginable

They passed a new law you’re allowed to pet a cats belly now and the cat can’t even get mad or bite you

I had a dream that my beard and mustache were shaved off and then i woke up and then i went back to sleep and had a dream where a small snake got eaten by a big snake who was then eaten by a huge snake what do you think this means for my future

Friend’s cat has his own tv

Beavers are one of the best creatures like imagine seeing a tree and just being like “I need to destroy this at once”

What is your favorite scary movie to watch?

Jane Austen is cool but i think her characters drink too much tea

DO NOT LOOK AT THIS IMAGE IF YOU ARE FAINT OF HEART OR FRAIL IN ANY WAY VIEW AT YOUR OWN RISK

Normalize playing and having fun!

Multi view tv is cool until you’re stuck in two commercial breaks at once and it feels like some kind of dystopian torture device

Coding looks sooooo easy all you have to do is play on the computer all day and then you get paid 200k a year

I think monsters are real I’m pretty sure i saw a Frankenstein yesterday

How to make lobster roll lobster roll recipes

Yes

Look at this wonderful pie my girlfriend and i made

Yippee thanks you

I used to be a professor until i did the 100 Beer challenge and lost my job

Just invented a new code that uninvites you from bluesky

I’m going to become the worlds first bluesky influencer

CAN WE MAKE THIS GO BIRAL

Every time i hear a song im like wow this is so good

I like when cats make this face they look like a grumpy old man

How do i make my numbers go up how ddo i make a hashtag

When are they gonna make a new movie