if anyone wants to know, yes im alive.
partner is taking care of me
both of us are looking for jobs

im looking into getting my disability certified so ive been in and out of the hospital getting all my papers in order so i haven't had much time for anything else but taking care of myself

while sewing is the most stressful part i would say is the most fun because you finally see your ideas coming to life!

ironing is also a meh activity

sewing fun:
-planning what to sew
-buying fabrics
-sewing

not fun:
-measuring and cutting

spent too much money on fabrics now i have to use them dammit orz

a friend of someone who used to be a close friend died
they were my age and full of dreams to achieve and now theyre gone

life really is full of surprising things

wish i could work on live2d projects more but being away from home and not having my pc is kinda a bummer
i found a workaround so i may be able to fix some old stuff but its not optimal ...

i deserve to be punished

i was a so worried a jote might have killed them but i hear them sing so loudly now im happy seeing they're grown

there is a nest of seagulls near my house and im so happy seeing the babies fly so freely now

plus we're too many and too many disabled lmao

why does making food and cleaning up take SO MUCH TIME ffs

been retaking work slowly after a very loaded month
at least home doesnt need as much work as of lately so ive been able to have some time to actually work orzUu i truly hate not being able to stop everything and have time magically lmao

lately i kinda only talk to doctors what a bummer

every day i lose hope that we can get better

i gotta admit being a child must be even harder nowadays

the fact that im just crumbling down scares me

ive been wanting too much to end my life again.

plus i never get time for taking care of myself........
im showering weekly at this point bc i hate the thought of taking time for myself how egotistical of me

mom broke her foot and she's the caregiver of all of us 4 in the house, so that means im responsible now and i hate the thought of having to do things around unwanted people

one of my cats died today... a sad thing but at least he had a great life

yapo servel devuelveme a mi pololo que lo extraño

man i wanna expand my portfolio but i have a lot on my plate already
at least model is like halfway there so i can update that at least n.nUu

plus my model is going along well enough to keep me satisfied

i love my partner so much!!!!
also been doing good

goes to say, ill be mostly offline this next 2 weeks too to readjust

readjusted meds so i had a terrible crisis yesterday, ended up in the ER to see if they could calm me down... I went walking for 4 hours straight because I felt unsafe...

ive been crying non-stop lately
i have an appointment for friday!!! seeing my doc finally (havent since july)

Plus I've been readjusting to losing some people, either to life being incompatible or death so I've been grieving a lot of things this year. Been rebuilding my circle slowly too so it doesn't overwhelm me too.

Oh, I've been mostly offline working on therapy and things... I get on the computer kinda only to play something or work sporadically so I'm grateful about people being patient with me at this time in my life.