They call it gourmet but I gourwouldnt

GUYS STOP WISHING ME A HAPPY NEW YEARS BEFORE ITS ACTUALLY NEW YEARS WHAT IF YOU JINX IT AND THERE IS NO NEW YEAR

am I legally allowed to buy wrapping paper as a gift and have the store clerk wrap it in wrapping paper

The best password online is keeping a low profile and being undesirable to hack

Biting your nails is like casual fishing, the contract with nature is that you don't ACTUALLY eat it. Just catch it and then throw it back for it to grow and be caught again.

Pigs aren’t birds? Then why do people talk about them flying all the time?

Yeah Gerald found the limit last week but I haven't heard from him since so I couldn't say what it actually is. Poor guy.

No but saying OW while playing overwatch gives you an extra tank slot in the team

Did you know that if you say "ow" when you take damage-- it actually parries the damage and nullifies it

Bogur put in a good word for me and she was all like 'i don't care' so I guess you could say we're literally two peas in a pod

NO WAY I FOUND SOMBRA OVERWATCH IN REAL LIFE OUT OF STEALTH (I had one second)

Great minds copy, even greater minds steal. It's an honor.

apparently there's an algorithm for recommended tweets so im gonna list off some words to help guide it

overwatch 2
overwatch
over watch
o verwatch
ov erwatch
over watch 2
overwatch pvp
sombra overwatch
overwatch sombra
sombra overwatch pvp
sombra overwatch 2 pvp
overwatch pve

that should do it.

Fun math fact: if you tell out your number, the number is bigger! Yelling "3!" Turns it into a monotone 6

GET A HOBBY THE PENDANT IS MINE YOU'LL NEVER HAVE MY PENDANT

Radishes are not nearly as rad as the name implies.

Furthermore, they're claiming it's "killing me" and that I have to "throw it in a volcano" or else I DIE. Like what?? How jealous do you have to be to behave like this

You know what I've had it with these terrible friends of mine always wanting my stuff all the time. They're just mad that the glowing pendant called for ME and NOT them. They're just not worthy of it unlike me.

Nevermind, plan's off. I dropped the cayenne pepper again

Don't worry guys I have a plan and it is all going according to it

hi, i dont have a drivers' license yet and would like for this to not be used against me in any way shape or form in the future thanks future government employee doing a background check, i love you

speeding through a school zone is actually a good thing because you spent less time potentially hitting children

A cardigan? What do you mean I parked it right he-- OH MY GOD WHERE IS IT

Just wait 5 seconds and it'll unstealth don't worry

Alright I posted this account to the other similar-lookikg blue sky clone, I'm going to sleep now and I better wake up with the exact same follower count as there. If not, I might have to spin my arms and say "why I oughta!"

Be warned, everyone.

Why is it called invisible and not

If I'm not supposed to bite my nails then why must they taunt me by growing back so condescendingly.