"horror accident"

bro, I don't think this was an accident, it just sounds like his dumb ass lost the fight.

This is my buddy, Brad, but we call him "B- rad" for short.

Ngl, still gonna be a risky wear for at least the next 2 years lol

Birds are so stupid. You get within 10 feet of them and they start flying away in fear.

When the fuck have you ever seen a person rush at a robin and eat it, idiot? Chill out, you're literally fine.

-1 May 1944, D-Day-

"Mr. Eisenhower, we all have nosebleeds."

WWIII is gonna pop off and we're gonna get Spanish Flu part II, but literally everyone will be fine except for the US military where the largest single contributor to war casualties will be "preventable illness."

If we stretch the meaning of "my" cuisine to specifically "Trying to get 160g+ of protein per day on a vegan diet while staying in a calorie deficit," then I've got many to choose from

Sorry, but this is kind of the most annoying headline I've ever read in my life.

1850s: Wow! All of this new technology will increase my productivity at work, so I can work fewer hours!

1900s: Wow! All of this new tech-

1950s: Wow! All of this new tech-

1990s: Wow! All of this new tech-

2010s: Wow! All of this new tech-

2020s: Wow! All of this new tech-

One time a friend brought up that they had had a "girl's brunch" and I jokingly went "Oh, I must've missed the invite..." and she went "Oh, trust me, if *any* of the guys were to be invited, it would be you."

And I was just like wow, okay, so that joke actually backfired tremendously on me.

when the zoo closes at night, all of the aminals go home

I mean, no, but it would be pretty funny if he did go "alright, fine, I give up."

This is honestly a very basic Camusian take, but what Albert Camus could have never accounted for was this:

Poopcorn.

I'm not going to make the claim that life is *about* eating popcorn, but I am very confident in my assertion that part of what makes life *worth* living is being able to eat some popcorn. And, when we stop dealing with semantics, is it what makes life worth living not what life is about?

This is bullshit, man. I had to go to work, and then do leg day, and then go for a run, and now it's damn near 9pm and I haven't even had one single measly poot of weed vape.

me when i'm

I'm worried that I'm in the end stages of Crazy Guy Development, because all of today I have been thinking "I should get a whiteboard for my bedroom."

Hopefully this is a Steve Jobs-type situation.

Me and who?

This is the worst pic I have ever edited, but in my defense I am on the leg curl machine right now.

in other words:

[glancing at this for half a second]

hurricane omelette

If alcohol, hypocrisy, lies and alleged homosexuality are illegal then LOCK ME UP!!!!!!

I said "sorry" because I was in someone's way, and they responded with a "no worries, you're good." And I felt WORSE because my saying sorry then obligated them to respond politely to my apology, creating more for them to do than if I had said nothing.

Completely new tech in "burdensome behavior."

Sounds to me like a job that a regular person wouldn't take...

I think that anyone who is taking enough flights to "occasionally miss" one has a corrupted soul. No regular person needs to be up there that often.

Sometimes I'll turn on my computer and see that the tabs I had open were from two days ago, and realize I didn't use my computer at all the day before.

And I have to imagine that's the same feeling as an addict realizing they've been so busy all week that they just forgot to do fentanyl yesterday.

I bet this shit probably goes so hard if you're really stupid.

our minds are bogglemaxing