I just called my water a fucking asshole so I’ve got that going for me

My husband will have an absolute meltdown about not being able to accurately count the macros in steamed rice and then eat 3 cookies

Eventually I’m gonna run out of Walmart bags and then what am I supposed to put the baby and cat shit in?

Alright I’ll try this out again

Honestly surprised an Amazon driver hasn’t just taken a shit on my front door at this point

I Accidentally Drank Too Much Gin In Bed Again And Now I’m Buying Cabinets On Amazon: A Memoir

all facts

More like post-pardon me, would you like to see photos of my abs

Nerd scouts camp review: The future IT departments of America will be well stocked with Eagle Scouts

Are we supposed to eat mangos in the shower or what? This fruit needs instructions

I spent an exceptionally long time trying to find the button to write something in here so prepare yourselves for genius