Sorry about that! 😬

The silver lining to this whole situation is the realization that I have very few regrets about how I've lived my life.

That's not to say I haven't made mistakes - lord, have I ever made mistakes - but rather, I don't regret where I've focused my energy.

In today's excellent news, my CT scan came back clear. Nothing hiding in my neck. Woo hoo!

I really appreciate it ❤️

Thank you ❤️

Thank you, my friend. I miss you.

And I wonder why I have anxiety 😂

🥹

Me too. I'm hoping the CT scan results give me a bit more peace of mind.

Thanks, my friend.

Thank you ❤️

Thank you. I appreciate it.

Thank you ❤️

Thank you ❤️

That's what I'm hoping. Either way, I do prefer caution over ignorance in the long run.

If you've read this far, thanks for sticking with me. I really do imagine I'll be fine. The what-is are just hard.

I'm on a prednisone taper prednisone for a lupus flare (had a supplemental oxygen day last week), so as you can imagine, my mood is a bit... Let's call it "labile."

But this... This is different. When I allow myself to think about it, the fear is oppressive. I googled a bit last night after I got home from the ENT and it was not great, so I listened to an audio book until I finally passed out from sheer exhaustion.

I've dealt with so many health issues in my life. To be honest, I kind of thought I was past fear of medical shit because things keep happening and I'm still here. Clearly I cannot be killed.

Long story short, I'll be getting a head & neck CT within the next week and we have a full excision surgery planned for May. I'm trying to hold tightly to the whole "benign biopsy" thing, but I'm scared.

Update: the biopsy came back benign, but the oral surgeon was still concerned enough to send a picture of my lesion to an ENT who specializes in oral cancer. I got a phone call from the ENT's office the next morning telling me to drop in any time that day so he could take a look at it.

I called and asked the office for 3 tablets of norco and they made it weird. I'm all for opioid stewardship, but good lord. Check the database. I haven't filled a narcotic since 2021.

I had a biopsy this morning on a very persistent sore in my mouth. They recommended ibuprofen for the pain, which would be lovely were I not on blood thinners. I asked for tetracaine lollipops, but they aren't quite taking the edge off the pain.

Thank you. I'm sure I'm fine - I just didn't need MORE health stress, you know?

Thank you, my friend. ❤️

a cartoon of a person holding a ball with a face on it . Alt: a cartoon of a person pinching the cheeks of an unknown creature

Thank you!

Thank you. The offered to sedate me (it's inside my mouth) and even though I feel like a wimp, I'm going to take them up on the offer.

"It could be squamous cell carcinoma" was not on the list of things I was hoping to hear at my doctor's appointment today.

Related: guess who's having a piece of her cheek removed next week?

🫠

Can you imagine how fun they must be at parties?