My wife won’t let me use her as a reference photo for my bottom surgery and I’m starting to question how good of an ally she is. #trans

Currently building my gym playlist and I feel like I’m already in touch with the muses because I just named it Gym Halpert

My current #parenting bit is playing a rap air horn on my phone for literally anything I’m trying to get them excited enough to do.

“Alright y’all time to BRUSH YOUR TEETH!”
BWAMP BWAMP BWAMP BWAMP BWAAAAAMMMMMM

The kids are not amused, my wife is less so but I think it’s the funniest shit ever.

I have to say:
“Doomsday cult uses the government to start a war in attempt to beckon the return of their deity”

As a D&D campaign = awesome

As real life= fucking horrific.

#Iran #Exevangelical #fucktrump

Being married to someone who wasn’t allowed to watch SpongeBob is so wild because she’s missing an entire cultural shorthand that I rely on. #marriage #spongebob #millenialrelationships

Just a whole country of inbred uggos 😂

Happy “Wouldn’t it be hilarious if I dressed as a girl for Halloween?” season, to those who celebrate!

We’ll see you in six months and check back in!

I love that I have the kind of vibe where service employees feel safe bitching about other customers to me.

A screenshot of a tiktok ad with the caption “YOU THINK IT’S MASTURBATION ADDICTION, BUT IT’S REALLY DOPAMINE YOU’RE CHASING” in the image is a male presenting puppet in the style of Jim Henson with a shame-filled expression on his face laying in bed next to a female presenting muppet and they are both facing in opposite directions. There is an implied disconnection between the two.

AI is making ads unintentionally weird. The implication this ad makes is that this muppet is addicted to tickling his Elmo. I guess the existential question is: Is this muppet addicted to masturbating or is the puppet master addicted to jerking off muppets? #ai #aiartisnotart #hornymuppets

I always think it’s hilarious how my in-laws would warn my wife, “No man’s going to want you if you keep acting like that” and then I just stroll into her life like Eowyn like “I am no man.”

#marriage #wlw #lgbtq

My personal flex is I have the same hairline as Kim Davis but I don’t make it anyone else’s problem. #obergefell #kimdavis #scotus

A millennial reboot of back to the future would never work because Marty would learn that he’s undoing his very existence and he would be like “hell yeah, peace at last.” #backtothefuture #darkhumor

I think it’s really funny how my cult would constantly talk about how mean butches are but in reality literally every interaction I’ve had with a butch, they have treated me with the gentleness you would expect for a baby bird who has fallen out of the nest. #lgbtq #cultsurvivor #wlw

So it turns out maybe putting the guy who bankrupted a casino in charge because you want him to run the country like a business is a really fucking bad idea. #trumptariffs #liberationday #fdt

RT if you derive joy from that

I feel bad for my dad because he follows me on TikTok and I am consistently reposting the most unhinged tiktoks about sexuality and his fatherly discomfort with his daughters being sexual beings is trans inclusive 😂

“Why are you sad today Maren?”

One of my favorite clothing brands put out a cute swimwear line and there’s no way in hell my downstairs equipment wouldn’t make an unwelcome appearance in it.

My tiktok is blowing up in Canada right now for some reason so my comments are filled with Canadians complimenting my hair and begging me to leave America.

In my 31 years prior to my transition, I was never corrected online about anything to do with sci-fi. Now I get corrected on something I know I’m a generational outlier on knowledge of: X-files episodes. #misogyny #girlnerd

I don’t know if it’s the same for every state but in Alabama I was able to use my mortgage statement and my insurance policy. If you are a renter it should work with your lease agreement and if you have renters insurance you could use that.

Low key can’t wait for my kids to learn cuss words. The creativity they manage to unleash with just the words stupid, poop, and butt are remarkable. I can’t imagine what they are going to do with the full arsenal. #parenting

One thing they don’t warn you about transitioning is that being around babies on estrogen is insane.

I will never understand shaming people for being hyper sexual(assuming everything is consensual/honest) or asexual. You should be the exact level of freak that you wish to be.

Also the femme curly hair options suck

I pulled Cyberpunk 2077 out of my backlog and I have one minor gripe: with the amount of depth you can have with character customization it’s absolutely nuts that you have to have a skinny character. I can make a trans character but I can’t make a plus sized character. #cyberpunk2077 #gaming

Just saw a Trump supporter say that the latter seasons of x-files was too political and I have to wonder if we watched the same series. Also the further we get along the better the episode “the lost art of forehead sweat” becomes #xfiles

Now that Alabama says I’m legally a man I’m getting my tits out at the beach this whole fucking summer. #trans #Alabama

Nothing will ever be funnier than calling your cis partner a chaser when they compliment your body. #trans

Are there people out there who actually like water chestnuts?