Last year’s sweetpeas.

Sweetpea seeds are soaking. Butterfly weed seeds ready to go.

In 12 hours, I’m planting. This year, a single row of sweetpeas with underplanting. Also: I know where the mouse or rabbit digs its tunnel through the flower bed, and I give up. No seeds there.

Bright sun, cold air —- GARDEN FEVER ARRRGGGHHHHHH

Husband: I love you for so many reasons.
Me: Name a weird one.
He gazes at me with almost visible rose-coloured glasses: You snort-snore in your sleep, edge up to me looking for snuggles, then shove me away saying I’m too close, and I end up sleeping on the edge of the king-size bed.
Me: 🤯🫢🫥🫣

The Awkward was strong today

You could NEVER.
(look this bad)

Let the Awkward Family Photos begin

*talking to teenage militant atheist self*

current me: okay so there’s a big fight between the government and the catholic church

teenage me: got it, so we’re obviously on the side of the government

current me: I, uh, you might want to sit down for this one

🚨 Season 2 of D20: On a Bus begins RIGHT NOW! 🚨

🚌 Starring Dragon Master Katie Marovitch and her people: Jasmine Bhullar, Aabria Iyengar, Matthew Mercer, and Brennan Lee Mulligan!

#Dimension20

Update, 3:43am. The child was angry to be woken up, ate as little as possible, and repeatedly tucked himself back in to sleep. He has never known hunger, so he wasn’t motivated to prevent hunger later. Godspeed, child.

Challenges: child is a deep sleeper who doesn’t willingly wake up.

Challenge: child has been prepped for this, but is likely to fight the food anyway.

Child requires general anesthesia at 12:45pm tomorrow, which means 8 hours of fasting. He’s 8.5 years old. I’m getting up at 3am to feed him a high fat breakfast in the hopes that the blood sugars will last til 12:45.

This is Jackass. *theme music*

Should I send flowers? No, we’re no contact. They’re mean to me, and they’re turning 80.

So I’m sending flowers because they brought me into this world, and FML this is stupid.

Florist’s delivery person is instructed to accept the flowers back if they’re refused, and I’ll pick them.

Estranged Parent Problems: significant birthdays

Me, to florist: I am sending a bouquet of flowers to this person.

Florist: who is this person in relation to you.

Me: Estranged parent. They may decline the delivery, but they aren’t violent, they won’t throw the flowers at the delivery person. 1/2

My son is holding up a vintage triple-changer Transformer and asking me what it looks like, and I said rocket ship and locomotive, and these were lies because it looks like a circumcised 🍆.

A quote by Rick Owens. It reads: "Working out is modern couture. No outfit is going to make you look or feel as good as having a fit body. Buy less clothing and go to the gym instead."

The proliferation of this quote is so interesting to me. It's often posted by right wing chuds who use it to defend conventional aesthetic ideas — such as the importance of having a lean, athletic body — but they don't really understand Owens's work.

Let's talk about it. 🧵

The more awareness of aortic dissection there is, the better IMHO.

I low key hope you go in a blaze of glory when your time comes. Like, you hear Lou Bega’s Mambo Number 6 and that’s it. Immediate promotion to Valhalla (or your preferred after life/reincarnation).

Someone went out in a blaze of glory at the queer carabet show just as the event reached its pinnacle, its zenith, its crescendo, with a knitting-theme strip tease?
.
The Pitt sounds fun! I hear it’s set in Hawaiii.

Absolutely true.

You’ll hate this.

I would like to once again remind The Internet Owners that people don’t want AI. They want a distinct font for sarcasm. #enshittification We’ve been asking for this for decades.

Holy schist. Those are really gneiss!

I think I found it, so I tagged you in it.

@sassymetischick.bsky.social You were looking for this?

Puritanical bullshit, as always, and the most important thing to target first is women’s pleasure because it’s COMPLICATED AND TAKES TIME. The author is never gonna beat these allegations of laziness and selfishness.

Laurie Anderson - O Superman (Official Music Video) YouTube video by Nonesuch Records

A song for the USA, made in 1982 and somehow eternally true.

youtu.be/Vkfpi2H8tOE?...

I hate everyone and I refuse to identify what I had for lunch, because we all know I didn’t eat my lunch and that’s why I’m cranky. And I ain’t having it! I am allowed to hate everyone. I am right about that, that’s a right way to feel. #hangry

“Daughters mother their father” is bone chilling. People, don’t have kids so they will take care of you. Kids are persons with a future and an inner world, your job as a parent is to help them and set them free.

Using AI = not gaining XP

I am thrilled by this possum.