Today above all days was one for a foot massage 😩

There’s 30g of protein in calling your friends while they’re at work to talk about absolutely nothing 🙂‍↕️

My crush got 2 business days to make something shake before I slide in them DMs aggressively 😅

I need a cute date with no strict itinerary but somehow lasts until 3AM STAT 🙂‍↕️

I ate a cupcake the Anne Hathaway and it is really tea I must admit

I need a new playlist to fall asleep to…R&B but horn to jazz, bossa nova, really any cool groove sounds for a good night’s rest. Yall drop links por favor

I wish a MF who co-signed a lease with me would even utter some, “well maybe we should break up” 😤 #AbbottElementary

You ugly, you the birthday makeup

Rolling Loud stopped all them U.S. dates and now rappers shooting rappers over 10 bands 🤦🏾‍♂️ I ain’t saying I’m just saying

Ugh I just got some tea on one of my siblings and none of the other ones are answering the phone 😵‍💫like it’s a code red no Monica right now

Imma start bussing out The Charleston in the clubs when I’m dancing. We need to bring that back

Can I do clear matte shellac nails? Idk why but I like saying shellac so I want to get it too.

TBH i ain’t had a slo dance in a while, needs to be rectified soon

I understand the desire for Ryan Coogler to explore themes of queerness. Let’s remember he’s only 6 movies into his career and Sinners is definitively about the joy of eating pussy. I’m confident he’ll tackle queerness in a thoughtful way whenever he’s ready to 🤷🏿‍♂️

I sometimes hate that my guy friends are emotionally stable I be wanting to stage an intervention like Destiny’s Child in the Girl music video, I just don’t know no one 😩

I’m going to book all the doctor’s appointments I need to this year and then I’m going on a world-class, genre defining, amazing first date, maybe even a last first date

The K-Pop demon hunters up there dressed like a southern Baptist mother board. We really gave the genre so much

Ludwig winning this Oscar right after Jack Harlow dropped don’t sit well with me…I won’t be elaborating

I’m sorry y’all I might be team AnthropicAI, Claude is anti-war and suffering from anxiety. That’s a robot after my own circuitry 🤷🏿‍♂️

Yes they a lil too freaked out there

And not yall got on TikTok and defiled the mozzarella stick like that 🤨 I fear we should’ve banned the app last year

Oh yes I’m fixing to up the sexy this summer😏

It don’t come off too freaky frog 🙈

Life so funny bc I’ll get a “wyd” text and I’m really at home butt naked drinking a class of Cabernet listening to Jamie Foxx “Unpredictable” album…but like I can’t just say that 🫠

All I’m saying is you can motude somebody have a fat ass inna completely non-sexual way 🤷🏿‍♂️

And no shade to Claude but yall want a bitch with anxiety to have the nuclear codes

I’m finna become the Ghislaine Maxwell for friendship

And I just feel like it’s too many people saying they’re ENM and can’t nobody point me to a code of ethics 🫠 there’s no governing body? No union? Oh ok

Ugh never beating the cutie patootie allegations 🫠😩

I’ve given up alcohol and now my body just craves sex and sugar 😩