i don’t know what i’m honestly gonna do with myself, this just fucking hurts so much man

…i know things don’t change overnight, i know there’s people that care for me, but they’re thousands of miles away. and even though there’s that voice that says this won’t be forever, that there’s people to love and amazing things to see.

but i feel like I’m fighting a losing battle on my own here.

i know i’m not a perfect person, but even when I’ve gotten help and tried to be better, take action and give myself a bit of grace - but I can’t even catch a break.

it hurts just so much when you feel forgotten about, or seeing folks just get on with their lives and you’re just… completely stuck.

i broke down in tears in front of my family on thursday night, i’ve barely functioned the last week tbh. and i really feel like i’m falling by the wayside.

it hurts when I’ve been working so hard every day to try and make progress and give myself some grace, but it’s one step forward, twenty back

i’m just so tired man. it’s been nearly a year since everything’s gone downhill and it feels like there’s no sign of things improving or getting better.

all of this hurts and even when i have tried to push against the tide and work hard and get help, it’s just not good enough. none of this is fair.

Just Don't Want to Be Lonely (2007 Remaster) YouTube video by Blue Magic - Topic

with appreciation,
to new jersey's finest new yorker

Yeeeeah, sadly I'm Sony or die now, lol. It sucks, but hopefully there's a Sony fanboy out there to buy it. XD

It is a beauty of a jacket - it's a size Large, forgot to mention that, but it can fit oversized. Perfect jacket for Spring/Summer, or for a certain Collie in your life, too...

I am also partial to selling some of my record collection/vinyl - got a few rare/limited print vinyls, feel free to DM and make any offers on such.

Happy to ship internationally, but UK preferred (and I know my way around a CN22 for each).

www.discogs.com/user/mackasa...

Rabbit R1

Great hardware design for an Android app. Bought it for the memes. Fun bit of tech that can be used either as a display piece or flashed with AOSP/Ubuntu Touch. Bootloader unlocked and warranty void, but still comms with rabbit servers, no problem.

£55 obo, can ship within the UK via RM.

Sigma 105mm f1.4 DG HSM Art Lens for Sony FE mount

Reluctantly selling the beast - one of my favourite lenses of all time, absolutely gorgeous bokeh and depth of field, gorgeous for fursuit portraits, and more. Mint condition, comes boxed w/ everything.

£850 obo

Palace Skateboards, Catch It Bomber Jacket, Jaffa

Ever wanted to stunt at the furmeet and to impress people with your awesome Collie skills? Well, now you can.

Purchased at DSM London, worn in shop, brand new with tags. VNDS.

£200 obo, can ship within the UK/Internationally via Royal Mail.

Squier Classic Vibe '60s Custom Telecaster

Lockdown hobby that went stale, plus I have no musical talent.

Guitar is in good condition - decent actuation, perfect starter guitar or those looking between an Affinity guitar, or a Fender Player, etc.

£275 obo, London/South East England meets only.

CLEARING OUT SALE, MATE'S RATES

Selling a few items if anybody is interested! Kind of in the shit right now whilst I get my new ventures off the ground, so shares and things appreciated.

UK/London delivery & meetups preferred; *some* items can also be sent via RM SpecDev. Bank transfer or PayPal!

tsubi club - trinket Listen to trinket on TIDAL

Also, in other music highlights of the past week, tsubi club released an album, and it's *fucking excellent*. Not quite hyperpop, not quite indie/midwestern, but good fun.

Gorgeous prod, really good songwriting, and it's got the VA who voiced Alduin in Skyrim doing some vox/vocal samples too, lol.

From the EDM community on Reddit: Porter Robinson returns to EDM in new Ninajirachi collab premiered at Coachella Explore this post and more from the EDM community

Oh my god, that new Ninajirachi and Porter Robinson ID collab is genuinely *so fucking good*.

Praying it's a larger project (my bet is on a Porter-led collab project with several other musicians slapped into a medium-sized EP, a la Fuck U Skrillex/Fred's USB - but who knows at this point).

Anyway, I guess my AuDHD special interest over the next few weeks is understanding what the fuck this game was, leaning more about it, ydda ydda. Upon skimming, there are a few good community projects (LibreWorld, Worlio) and a few furs on there too, lol.

…or I could just be normal and play VRC. XD

I remembered there being some kind of penguin avi, so last night, at 4 am, I couldn't sleep and was watching Vinesauce play PS Home (LOL). Neurons fire, thought I'd try again.

"early-2000s virtual world with a penguin and red shit?" and it just nailed it.

Full-on Anton Ego moment from Ratatouille.

We got rid of that computer once we upgraded to a proper XP machine. My aunt passed away years ago, and when I thought back on all those good times, this thing came back to me… but I couldn't remember what it was called. Tried everything. Reddit, LLMs, Wiki, Google. And then, somehow, lo and behold…

Context. Back in c. 2003, we had this old family computer. Ancient Windows 2000 shit box. My aunt built it - extremely close, she was like my second mom, got me into tech, and well… she installed this. So as a kid, I found it and would just run around on it offline, bashing the arrow keys. Loved it.

In a bit of shock right now - I finally found a game/program that I've been looking for over 10 years (and counting). I can die happy.

…turns out it's worlds.com or WorldsPlayer. Which I guess was the precursor to stuff like Second Life, VRChat, but same frame as ActiveWorlds, etc.

Story below…

Protect this crew at all costs. Godspeed, Integrity, godspeed.

Artemis 2 crew proposes naming moon crater after commander's late wife YouTube video by VideoFromSpace

cw grief, emotional

Ah, jeez… I'm absolutely in floods of tears. The Artemis II crew proposed naming one of the Moon's undiscovered craters after Reid Wiseman's late wife, Carroll, who passed away a few years ago.

Hearing Hansen's voice crack, Reid passing out tissues, the group hug… fucking hell

great thing about easter for me is that i celebrate it next sunday, thanks to the wonderful orthodox calendar (despite me being a staunch atheist)

and whilst i'm not looking forward to it for personal reasons... it does mean i get all the chocolate easter eggs i want for a quid/dollar a piece >:3

...though you may be correct about their Outlook/Office builds, I wouldn't be surprised if it's on the latest version because of security updates and crap, lol.

I mean, if only there was a better operating system/ecosys out there for enterprise use and mission-critical stuff... *cough*LINUX*cough*

Ha, naw... I don't think they'd be running the latest W builds. I believe (based on what I saw on the stream) they're running Windows 10 Enterprise LTSC, which was built waaaaay before slopcoding was a thing.

I just think Microslop has been a fuckin joke with their product strategy and now, AI bs.

talking to a good mate from secondary school/middle school about Dune, and... checkmate

Also, you know this is *the* perfect ad to summarise how bad Microsoft products have become in the last 10 years, and that's not even considering how bad the non-LTSC, shitty, fucking dreadful AI junk-ridden shit builds have become from 2025 onwards

...there's a reason why i'm still on 22H2 lmfao

Watching the Artemis II stuff last night in the early hours and honestly, it was a tad emotional, and I can't quite put my finger on why. Godspeed to the crew and mission.

I just pray in my lifetime I get to see folk on Mars, but praying that utter clapped fuck Elon/SpaceX doesn't get there first.

The G20/G21 and G80/G81 are some of my favourite (modern) BMWs of all time, ha. Well, paired with the G87/G61/G05, ha.

M340i with the B58 G2 is such a beautiful combo. Portimao Blue too, no?