What a weird name for a dog. But sorry for their loss.

Waiter: may i recommend the steak?

Dracula: you may not

Another day when I’m reminded just how awful humans can be.

Vance: "Which regime in the world has civil nuclear power and enrichment without having a nuclear weapon? The answer is - no one."

Germany, Netherlands, Brazil and Japan all have civil nuclear power and the ability to enrich uranium. None have nuclear weapons.

My painting TIDAL WETLANDS

bigballs: sir the people are protesting

trump: fire the cannons!

musk: *emails pink slips to all the cannons* you have 48 hours to vacate your posts

Lidl have just won a court battle in Northern Ireland to open a first Lidl store with a pub attached

A friend of ours has just posted...

"It’s fantastic,
Coming home drunk is one thing,
Coming home drunk with a trampoline, night vision goggles and a horse blanket! Beautiful"

TeSSla

And chance of a “trending” function? Unless there is one and I’ve yet to find it.

On This Day in 1978:

I married my dental hygienist, Marilou York.

She cleaned my teeth & the rest... is history.

#HappyAnniversary2TheLoveOfMyLife. ❤️ 🎆 🙏

A list of the most popular names for the daughters of drummers:

3. Anna One
2. Anna Two
1. Anna One Two Three Four

A list of bands in order of efficacy:

3. Placebo
2. The Cure
1. Prevention

🧵SALT🧵
It's been snowing in the UK and the road gritters are out in force, begging the question:
Have you ever wondered where that grit actually COMES from?
The answer is more magical, beautiful and fascinating than you probably realised.
1/14

Now that I've fled Leon's site for bluer skies, I'm sure I'll be called an #Ex-X, but personally, I'll always consider myself a #TwitterQuitter.

Open, empty, dishwasher with a striped cat sitting inside.

Ruby was pleased to discover a small hidden room in our apartment.

ME: happy anniversary! i got you some chocolates
WIFE: oh that is so... sweet
ME: haha
WIFE: i got you an Italian watch
ME: oh that is so... roman tick
WIFE:
ME:
WIFE: you know what no give it back

No you’re right; it was HIV.

Not what he wrote in his autobiography but okay.

I thought he was okay until I found out he’d faked having AIDS for about five years.

A rail platform sign saying: Platform 2 / Suggestus II No Smoking / Noli Fumare

Today I learned that in Newcastle's metro system they have a station called Wallsend because it's the end of Hadrian's Wall

And since it's the edge of the Roman Empire, the signs have Latin on them

THIN LIZZY: ♪the boys are back in town
ME: *drinking a milkshake in my yard* oh shit oh fuck

It’s the kids I feel sorry for 🤦‍♀️

It certainly does get around!

There’s a proverb in Naples about people who don’t necessarily know much but like to sound like experts when things are easy. It goes quando il mare è calmo ogni strunz e marenar, or “when the sea is calm, every asshole is a sailor”

BBC has confirmed a celebrity version of The Traitors, which will be filmed in 2025.

Google will too, if you ask it.