you ever listen to bon iver in the shower?

what if like instead of calling tv episodes pilots we switched it to a different profession, like …. carpenter

0% success rate so far, thankfully not dead yet

csi gonna investigate my suspicious death and find my Google Chrome tab “how to hot box the cpap”

this is a haunting thing to learn at 3:19 in the morning

my dad’s not a phone
duh

i think ur beer stole all the carbonation

this was a great joke sorry it took 18 hours for anyone to react to it

oh did you end up getting that one tool that can also open a beer?

shrink wrap is a lie

gonna swing by the store this afternoon to hold one, will report back

im gonna tell the apple store genius bar guy all about my life story and ask him which iphone storage tier would best fit my lifestyle

fondly thinking about my old iPhone 15 pro. I don’t regret upgrading & I love my orange iPhone but I still miss my old titanium slab

told the airport bartender I’ll have what he’s having and now I’m stuck working a double shift on four hours of sleep

tbh this is p helpful for my sully sweatshirt stonks

I’m so dumb I think the alphabet goes from C to shining C

this was an attempted joke about british vs american english

damn I never knew they spelled it “sneese”

we are holding ourselves back by not celebrating Christmas year round

idk why the fish let themselves get frozen in the ice just so they can get fished

Emoticons just don’t hit in the world of emojis. Give me that high fidelity image

I tried to take a timelapse of my Guinness settling but accidentally took a slowmo and it’s three and a half minutes long lmao

you ever think about porgs

frerbruarry

OH: *burp* wow Chinese food does not go with Guinness at all

9

did someone forget to tell the weatherman not to play the double it and give to the next one game once we drop below freezing

milk is just broth

I ate a burrito but I wished it was dino nuggets the whole time

wow subtweet my post from nov why don’t ya