Is this true? Christine is no more at The Simpsons? That sucks (for the viewers…if it’s a net positive in your life, then that’s a win for sure.) #nanggang

At the DMV in Culver City and the cops were called because some guy was screaming, “where’s Tim Meadows?! Where are you hiding him?!” over and over again.

You know what would be a bad name for a bar? Epstein Bar.

I can already tell that Harry and the Hendersons is/will be better than the new Harry Potter series. #johnlithgow

I call dibs on Woody Harrelson’s Simpsons crew jacket with patches and his 5-timer club smoking veston.

I have BDE. Big Dork Energy.

Dork /dôrk/ Noun : Penis. Often, a whale’s penis.

Initially, I knew Stanley Tucci solely based on his supporting turn in the movie Beethoven. I don’t know if I should be ashamed of that fact or proud.

What’s the opposite of constitution?

A great name for a coven of witches could be Hex Hoes, so they can end any correspondence with

XO,
the Hex Hoes.

Carnac the Magnificent: (envelope to his head) “Chase Infinity. Chase Infinity.”

(Opens envelope)

Carnac the Magnificent: “What the rolling hills scene on the road in the climax was in One Battle After Another.”

“Hi-oh!”

Somewhere there’s a Marty out there without sour cream.

I just started the new season of The Not So Secret Lives of Not So Mormon Not So Much Wives.

Following suit, I will be making a pie for Pi day. It will be a Marion Barry pie. That is to say, it will be filled with cocaine.

I, Frankenstein, I, Robot, and I, Tanya are a very odd trilogy that has me reeling.

If Ryan Coogler wins Best Director this weekend, I would hope he invokes the name of Oscar Micheaux.

I’m thinking of creating a “Where’s Waldo” type book, but with Shelly Miscavige. I’d call it a “Miscavigenger Hunt.”

Look! In the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s both, because it’s “Sully” Sullenberger’s Miracle on the Hudson. (I wrote this 17 years ago and I forgot to post this)

No ledge is power. Especially if that power is delaying or preventing suicide by jumping off buildings.

I need to settle something. Is eating a pint of Hagen Dazs ice cream in one sitting too much or fine?

Neo’s pouring’ Neosporin in Ne-Yo’s porn.

One After 909 is a sequel to Ticket To Ride.

She has an hourglass figure. I have an Ira Glass figurine. We are not the same.

I don’t know who Arnaud is, but someone’s pissed at him!

Remember when SNL almost killed Jeff Daniels?

Last night I dreamt I was hired on at The Simpsons. A dream, I’ve longed for and almost achieved a few years back. I awoke to sadness.

Audrey Bentham, Sam Brigger, Adam Stanishevsy, Phillis Meyers, Anne-Marie Baldonado, Lauren Krinsle, Theresa Madden, Monique Nazareth, Thaya Chalaner, Susan Yacundi, Anna Bowman, Nico Gonzales-Wissler, Molly Ceevee-Nesper, Roberta Shurock.

No after how clever I am at creating fake names, I will never be able to make fake names that compare to the real names of those that work on Fresh Air with Terry Gross…

Why did they call it Eyes Wide Shut and not Illuminaughty?

HBO MAX is an anagram for Ham Box. And I’ll never forget that. And you shouldn’t either.

What was up with fireworks in West LA last night? Celebrating Presidents’ Day or what?