I feel like Sun Tzu really missed out on "Invent Pete Hegseth and give him to the enemy"

no other way to view this other than a deeply evil act

Black and white still frame of Ebeneezer Scrooge leaning out a window calling down to the street below. Caption reads: YOU BOY ARE THE STRAITS OF HORMUZ OPEN OR CLOSED TODAY

Chairman Comer and Republicans are canceling hearings because they are afraid we may force more subpoenas and advance the Epstein investigation. Oversight Democrats will not participate in these sham events where motions can’t be made and where we can’t call witnesses.

I hate how much I believe this. It was staged; nobody except the person wo instructed the shooter knew he was going to actually kill someone, and because he DID kill someone the Secret Service types had to stay quiet about knowing "something" was going to happen because they were accessories.

I've thought about this a lot and my top answer's probably Groundhog Day. Honorable mentions: So I Married an Axe Murderer, and Terminator 2 (because my older sister ruined it for me).

There's a war on for this limited edition tote!

This nightmare cost us so much money. Help us out! Get the tote.

membership.theonion.com/iw/?campaign...

Infowars/Onion combo logo in rainbow saying “I support the onion’s hostile media takeover.”

It’s finally happened. After 18 months. Finally, a media merger you can root for.

Truly sorry for your loss.

math nerds celebrate on 1/5

They said "insane lyric" not "awesome lyric."

Solid addition to the canon

What a time to be alive

Hi its me ur feast friend

I would like to introduce you to my new therapist the Rocky cheesesteak at Monti's

Having a Henry Hill day but you gotta take time for self-care. (Or selfie-care, at least.)

"The Mediterranean diet is the healthiest diet of all. People from the Mediterranean live extremely long lives," he said, while shoveling a plate of gyro meat into his face hole and chasing it down with the saltiest saganaki known to man.

Seriously if I went to my local hospital for surgery and Noah Wylie was there in scrubs I'd be like, "Cut me up, bro," and he'd probably be like, "I'm not actually a doctor, I'm studying for a role," and I'd be like, "Cut me up, bro."

The competence porn point here is fascinating:

“Why do we feel a paralyzing sense of dread all the time?” I type into my Paralyzing Sense of Dread Machine that lives in my pocket.

So, we're going to give Iran $20B just for the privilege of talking to them. Remember when giving Iran access to their own money was a bad thing?

Indian Boundary Park: "Yo, dawg, we put a pond next to the pond so you can pond while you look at the pond."

as far as i can tell pope leo has never mentioned trump by name hes just like “killing people is wrong” or “concentration camps arent good” and theyre all taking it personally

Wholesome family-friendly site. (That employers hate.)

nobody asked me but i actually strongly support the idea of a posting website that goes down for nights and weekends

Ditto for websites showing me ads about stainless steel waterproof tanks just because I accidentally clicked on an ad about stainless steel waterproof tanks.

I bring a sort of Forbidden Vibe to InternalServerError that Rate Limit Exceeded don't really like

trying to post through it rn

Pray I do not exceed it further.

I'm still here though