I just want a good smoke, meal, fucking, and nap; in that order.

Trying out a medieval art style.
#wolf #werewolf #animals #canine #sketch

Napkinless Man With Grease-Covered Fingers Realizes He Trapped In A Prison Of His Own Creation

Napkinless Man With Grease-Covered Fingers Realizes He Trapped In A Prison Of His Own Creation theonion.com/napkinless-man-with-grea...

How do you turn regular water into holy water? Boil eight hot dogs in it, then let it cool.

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Pope Leo XIV theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-int...

Be as specific as possible when describing which Zootopia character you want to look like.

Tips For Getting Better Haircuts https://theonion.com/tips-for-getting-better-haircuts/

Arby’s Reclassifies Their Food As Entertainment Restaurant Says Menu Items Intended For Amusement Purposes Only

Arby’s Reclassifies Their Food As Entertainment theonion.com/arbys-reclassifies-their...

Study: Infants Respond To Rustling Of Potato Chip Bag As Early As 3 Weeks

Study: Infants Respond To Rustling Of Potato Chip Bag As Early As 3 Weeks theonion.com/study-infants-respond-to...

Friends Trying On Each Other’s Glasses Revel In Glorious Mayhem Of Having Slightly Different Prescriptions

Friends Trying On Each Other’s Glasses Revel In Glorious Mayhem Of Having Slightly Different Prescriptions theonion.com/friends-trying-on-each-o...

Dog’s Eye Gunk Wiped Back On Dog

Dog’s Eye Gunk Wiped Back On Dog

40-Year-Old Not Active Enough To Realize Body Falling Apart

40-Year-Old Not Active Enough To Realize Body Falling Apart theonion.com/40-year-old-not-active-e...

Dog Worried He Always One Initiating Petting

Dog Worried He Always One Initiating Petting theonion.com/dog-worried-he-always-on...

Horse Cast As Horse In Live Action ‘Tangled’ Remake

Horse Cast As Horse In Live Action ‘Tangled’ Remake

Pixar Apologizes After Learning ‘Hoppers’ Slur For Beavers

Pixar Apologizes After Learning ‘Hoppers’ Slur For Beavers theonion.com/pixar-apologizes-after-l...

There’s a dog around here somewhere… right?

Report: Only 20 Minutes Until Introverted Man Gets To Leave Party

Report: Only 20 Minutes Until Introverted Man Gets To Leave Party theonion.com/report-only-20-minutes-u...

Bodybuilder Films Self Eating Chicken To Make Sure Form Correct

Bodybuilder Films Self Eating Chicken To Make Sure Form Correct theonion.com/bodybuilder-films-self-e...

Just let him pop it

MYTH: Looksmaxxing is an unhealthy grasp for control amid economic and social instability. FACT: Sounds like someone just got mogged.

Looksmaxxing: Myth Vs. Fact https://theonion.com/looksmaxxing-myth-vs-fact/

Why are so many young people into K-pop? To confuse and enrage you.

All The Questions You Have About K-Pop, Answered theonion.com/all-the-questions-you-ha...

Salad Suppliers Pledge To Continue Including Just Enough In Bag That Some Will Go Bad If You’re Single

Salad Suppliers Pledge To Continue Including Just Enough In Bag That Some Will Go Bad If You’re Single theonion.com/salad-suppliers-pledge-t...

Study: Majority Of Humans Happiest When Rest Of Family Still Asleep

Study: Majority Of Humans Happiest When Rest Of Family Still Asleep theonion.com/study-majority-of-humans...

‘Lord Of The Rings’ Reader Can’t Believe How Long It Taking Sam And Frodo To Fuck

‘Lord Of The Rings’ Reader Can’t Believe How Long It Taking Sam And Frodo To Fuck theonion.com/lord-of-the-rings-reader...

Rams-Seahawks Game Preempted By ‘Everybody Hates Chris’ Rerun

Rams-Seahawks Game Preempted By ‘Everybody Hates Chris’ Rerun theonion.com/rams-seahawks-game-preem...

Pioneering Female Archaeologist In Google Doodle Bears Silent Witness To Man’s Search For ‘Zootopia’ Porn

Pioneering Female Archaeologist In Google Doodle Bears Silent Witness To Man’s Search For ‘Zootopia’ Porn theonion.com/pioneering-female-archae...

This otherwise unremarkable home is serviced by a real 10-out-of-10 panty-melting stud of a postal worker. Reference #45823

Real Estate: Really Hot Mailman

Girlfriend's Dad Pretty Hot

Girlfriend's Dad Pretty Hot

Should Animals Be Doing More For Animal Rights

Mom Wants To Know If You Could Use Grandma’s Antique, 12-Person Dining Room Table In Your Studio Apartment

Mom Wants To Know If You Could Use Grandma’s Antique, 12-Person Dining Room Table In Your Studio Apartment theonion.com/mom-wants-to-know-if-you...

Report: No One Currently Thinking About You

Report: No One Currently Thinking About You theonion.com/report-no-one-currently-...