We are being ruled by absolute losers

Q: What makes you hard to work for? What are the things that drive your staff crazy about you? A: The same things that make me good at this make me bad at it. I have that psychotic news brain where I'm just like, “We’ve got to get this done in two months or it's over.” We're working on a project that will be out next month that is one of the more ambitious things that we’ve ever done, and I was like, “It’s gotta be done by the end of August.” They should throw stuff at me. They should pick up hammers and throw them at my head.

I talked to Wired for A LONG time about how The Onion works now and also alluded to some very stupid, very fun things coming very soon.

www.wired.com/story/uncann...

a senior yorkie mix sits in a stainless steel vet kennel. he is looking directly at the camera.

Bear is now laying on his back with his paws in the air. one vet is holding his front paws up while the other is examining him.

Bear is now back in his kennel and a hand wearing a blue glove scratches the underneath of his chin. he looks content.

We shared Bear with you on Friday. He was found on the streets with painful, inflamed skin. Also, his bladder had herniated, requiring emergency surgery. Thanks to your support, he is no longer in pain, his crying has subsided, and he is on his way to much comfier life ❤️‍🩹

Epstein Victims Reveal They’re Compiling Own Client List Six survivors of Epstein’s crimes came together to speak to NBC News.

A victim of convicted sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein has revealed how a group of survivors is compiling a client list of their own.

hummingbird zoomies 🌱

Hi, I’m God.

All Trump supporters go to Hell. All of them.

Hope this helps.

Happy National Dog
Day!

Fucking gross

White House Downplays Trump Hand Bruise As Least Concerning Part Of Body

White House Downplays Trump Hand Bruise As Least Concerning Part Of Body theonion.com/white-house-downplays-tr...

Biggest news of the day: Taylor and Travis are engaged.

Charlie Kirk isn't even charge of his hairline. We shan't be listening to him about anything.

Never intended to adopt 2 cats, but there was no way I was separating these highly bonded littermates, once I met them. Two years later, Brutus and Ms. Nero have been inseparable since. 🥰

If I'm on the 379th crisis PR Zoom at Cracker Barrel today, I legit pitch Gay Woke Cracker Barrel. Just go all in. Cracker Barrels are exclusive 9-seat diners in 10 cities now. Two-year waitlist. Existing Cracker Barrels are now called Bad Old Cracker Barrel. Sell an NFT with it I don't give a shit.

Seven Pounds.

The Iowa Senate seat that Democratic candidate Catelin Drey flipped tonight has been in GOP hands for 13 years.

Not anymore.

I'm so tired of seeing that fuck's face, every third post as I scroll down. Usually on media.

It didn't used to be like this.

Media is soooooo complicit.

Chinese artist Leng Jun,I have never seen anything like it. Extraordinary!!!

Go Your Own Way - 2004 Remaster

Today's dose of #StevieNicks #FleetwoodMac
##GoYourOwnWay
#Musicsky
open.spotify.com/track/07GvNc...

It's too much!!!

For all the dog lovers. This is a classic. Worth seeing again.

I am nothing without businesses.

White House Downplays Trump Hand Bruise As Least Concerning Part Of Body WASHINGTON—As they called attention to his alarmingly sallow complexion and rapidly deteriorating brain function, White House officials sought to quell speculation Monday over the bruising on Presiden...

“The discoloration on the president’s hand is superficial and no cause for worry—in fact, it is probably one of his healthiest anatomical regions,” said White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt theonion.com/white-house-downplays-tr...

Concert outside the White House! #cdnpoli

Hi Friends,

Tonight’s YouTube set is an hour long and the upload is taking longer than expected. Right now it looks like there are about 50 minutes left, so the premiere may be around 30 minutes late. Thank you for your patience. There will be a set tonight, just a little bit later than usual.

💐

Or circuit city.

‘We are sweating’: Missouri kindergarten vaccination rates fall below immunity threshold • Missouri Independent Missouri kindergarteners are less likely to enter classrooms vaccinated against measles. The trend is worrying public health experts.

A community needs a vaccination rate of at least 95% to be adequately protected from measles outbreaks. In Missouri, the rate of vaccinated kindergarteners stands at 90%. #moleg #mogov

This is Jack. He shocked everyone with an unhinged scream before he launched into a race… and then won. 14/10 (TT: paigephills)

Epstein survivor Sarah Ransome on Ghislaine Maxwell: “I have spent the last 17 years in my own prison for what she, Jeffrey, and all the co-conspirators did to me. I was raped three times a day. Ghislaine must die in prison.”

even PhD people make mistakes... like calm your tits...

you know that humans are equally stupid right? just saying....