I don’t really enjoy posting on this app - or scrolling on it, really - I don’t much enjoy any of the apps anymore. This being a fun thing to do feels more and more like a distant memory. Anyway, see you all tomorrow.

Tolkien once argued that the most beautiful words in the English language could be ‘cellar door’. This is thought to be because he died before anyone uttered the words ‘zinger banh mi’

All HP Lovecraft stories begin like “I will try and relay the events as best as I can manage, though what I encountered that September night may not be able to be expressed in human language, nor be comprehended by the human mind” and then the story boils down to ‘I saw a building that was large’.

Hey man if you wanna see another pelican, a really big pelican, you just need to hit this button

We can’t afford convertibles. So how do Millennials have a midlife crisis? DJ decks, pickling jars, smoking meats – welcome to the new midlife cliches.

I’ve written in the paper and there’s nothing you can do about it. www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/li...

I'm so sorry, the me that signs up to email newsletters is an entirely different guy to the me that checks his email

Just like a character in Toilet Wars: Real Shitters

Valentine’s Day may be the world’s most hated holiday – but I won’t be joining the pile-on | James Colley You don’t need flowers, chocolates or a card. You don’t even need to be celebrating romantic love. But I like the idea of recognising the everlasting surprise of loving and being loved

I’m kinda the Hunter S Thompson of writing about enjoying doing nice little romantic things www.theguardian.com/commentisfre...

I like this. I like it!

The never tell you about the hardest part of being a parent.
(Not laughing when someone else’s kid falls over)

God's Grace?
My daughter?
I'm father?
Of my Daughter?
Am God?
Me?
Wonderful!

At the Deathbed, by Edvard Munch, 1895

(sweating hard) did I already say shaddap yo face?

Credit to my nan, it’s hard to think of a funnier run of four singles to bequeath me. To be clear, these aren’t selected from the collection - this is the collection.

Tell me more about husband’s crafting skills

America is a hell of a commute

That’s a classic.

I’m showing it to my wife right now so she can see the kind of posts I do not like

this is dreck. these are dreck legs. please stick to intellectual posting or I will be forced to report you.

Well this is a tough way to find out Grace isn’t mine

‘came up tonight’ -> was rapped by you

My wife isn’t on bluesky so I get to announce that we’re having another baby the way I want, following in the footsteps of my favourite rock icon.

Teams that always win rock actually

Unless a character in a film explicitly says the words “New Zealand”, you can safely assume New Zealand doesn’t exist in that universe.

Just like Rayburn during the senate campaign

Disregard that one.

Government has banned me.

mfw I can apply government grants to the plight of the people in the hill country

I’ve recently seen The Brutalist and finished the first volume of Caro’s LBJ series and I feel the government should sent a text alert to warn anyone about to start a conversation with me.