A ½ review of The Postman (1997) good to know that my intense loathing of kevin costner and his films remains justified

boxd.it/acG8ub

tp: of course her name is hope

tp: so much slo mo

tp: “you’re famous. yeah, i guess i am” what are we doing here

tp: is there a less parental figure than costner

tp: yall what the fuck is this timeline

never mind, i’m disappointed

tp: WAIT is there a real postal service

tp: throwing this back on, but who am i kidding it’s all gonna be background

tp: i’m halfway through, but i’ve gotta get on with the rest of my day, i’ll pick it up tomorrow (probably)

tp: one of these guys looks a little like my uncle who is a postman

tp: “new capital is based in minneapolis” okayyyy midwest

tp: another costner movie where women don’t have rights, what a surprise

tp: oh no they’re burning the american flag oh no

tp: pour one out for the guy that had to score this long ass film

to: i cannot believe they’re singing america the beautiful to him

tp: of course he snores

tp: this girl is so gorgeous and can do so much better than costner

she’s married?????

tp: an hour in and i want to be done

tp: “do you have good semen…i’m only asking because i want you to get me pregnant”

i fully had to put my phone down and take a lap

tp: the tone of this film is all over the place. first they’re berating costner’s character about his knowledge of the government, next they’re line dancing to a song that sounds like it’s straight from the lorax

tp: yep there’s the lion 😑

tp: i fear i’m supposed to care about this character death, but i simply don’t care about any of these characters

tp: devastating that i can’t 1.25x this film

tp: it’s exhausting how they’re just telling us everything instead of showing it

tp: ANOTHER FULL THROATED SLUR??????

tp: none of these scenes need to be this long

tp: are we at the hoover dam

wellllll it’s heavily insinuated that bill the mule is now supper so…