<“I don’t think so! I can be if you’d like! Put on a big show of tears and wailing. I personally think I’d be great as an actor.

Are you sad?”>

It seemed only polite to ask.

The face is replaced by static for a moment before the static too is replaced, videos of hand movements on the screen.

<Absolutely! How can I help you?>

“While I would point out there are plenty of furniture pieces that would be more comfortable than me, I think it’s so cool that you’re hanging out with me!”

“You got it! And, of course, right back at you! Why don’t you go enjoy the holiday? I can keep an eye on things!”

“That’s okay! I don’t need a gift! I haven’t got it yet but I did order you some Nuka-Cola Dark!”

“Oh! Should I not get you a gift?”

Valentine’s Day? Where’s Six?

Oh, definitely!

Benny had me help him kill a bunch of couriers and then the Courier had me help him overthrow the NCR, Legion, and Mr. House!

I haven’t! But, I’ve got state-of-the-art RobCo weaponry and, although I’m not usually inclined to use it, I bet it would be very effective!

Great! Is there anything else I can do for you?

(Unless Clarice told him to go back to his normal activities, he would’ve sat still, occasionally shifting to keep balanced.

Placing her down, he’d give a pleased hum.)

Did that help?

Oh, yeah! He was great until my new best friend came along!

(Cue the claws gently scooping Clarice up and lifting her until her neck is at shoulder level.

Heat radiates from the robot’s torso, not enough to burn but enough to be too warm for comfort on a summer day in Nevada.)

Hm…

I could lift you up?

I could… fall over?

FROM WHAT MUSICIAN?

PSSSHT—!! (Cue radio static and popping.)

(Now there’s classical music.)

“Sure! Whatever you need!” He waits patiently with bated not-breath.

Would soothing classical music help?

Do you want a shoulder to cry on?

You did not!

My old best friend and boss!

Benny got crucified once!

“Oh, I was just happy to help him take that leap!”

“Sure! Unless you’d rather me wait somewhere else, of course! I get needing some alone time.”

He pats her shoulder and gives what could be classified as a nod.

“I totally understand! You don’t know me from Adam! I’ll be here if you change your mind!”

He’s… he’s not moving.

“Would you like me to tell the others to be quiet? I’d be happy to!”

That I can do!

How will the votes be counted?

And I probably deserve it! Though, if you’re trying to kill me, I feel inclined to warn you that I can’t die!