they call the things you do on a guitar "riffs" because they make you feel ter"rif"ic

Oswald was a lone gunman trying to prove how cool he was to rich right-wingers. The conspiracy was a) Jack Ruby was ordered to do the hit b) the FBI framed Oswald by planting evidence, only they weren't used to people paying attention to chains of evidence which is why all the evidence is wonky.

FDR blackmailed the Business Plot leaders to keep them (mostly) quiet during the New Deal.

Up until the 90s the drug trade was controlled by the CIA, et al.

Allende didn't kill himself.

Price fixing is very common.

Members of the Trump Administration have been insider trading on Kalashi, etc.

+

The biggest conspiracy ever is one we don't even recognize: Santa. Santa doesn't exist, but there is a billion person strong conspiracy to keep the truth from children.

Just to be clear, I am pro this conspiracy; the world needs more magic in it.

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Contrast to how civilians put themselves in true danger for each other within minutes during the ICE raids these past couple months.

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars.

We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director.

Please stand by for more.

If the best reason to be somewhere is that it's a good place to leave, I find people not wanting to spend more time there pretty understandable

Brian Bolland

Someone was taken near 20th & Central tonight at 10 PM. Within 5 minutes, there were over 20 people on a call and even more people on foot in the area to respond.

When was the last time the Twins had an above average defense?

I went to see D4 in January and I felt better in the mosh pit than standing

The Uk needs a version of Hot Ones but for desi food called Curried which is hosted by Tim Curry, there you go, I just made your network eleventy billion dollars

At first I read that as Brian Wilson and thought, "yeah, he would"

He will always be Herkimer Hemolga to me

for an idea of how big a deal this is, my mom was in great shape when she got diagnosed and she lasted less than sixty days. six years is insane.

Jokic and Gobert are gonna get into a fistfight if the series goes 7

Far Side cartoon: Unfair animal names, showing a drawing of six different animals: tsetse fly, bullhead, booby, platypus, sapsucker, and a dude named Clarence.

With apologies to the Clarences out there

Here at NERV, we use giant robots made from the consciousness of our dead loveds and our clones that have died, combined with the DNA of Adam and Lilth to fight Angels. We need the Lance of Longinus to attack and dethrone God and bring about Third Impact. We are very normal

It's not a lyric, but Aaliyah's "Age Ain't Nothing But A Number" is a whole WOWOWWOWWOW WOW song

So fucking good live

And a cousin named Evan

I'm happy they're spending money on this and not on anything with a hope in hell of happening

Do you have a sister named Anna?

"Someone tried to strangle Sneako", "Clavicular just had a drug overdose", I refuse to believe that understanding any of these headlines is better for me than chain-smoking

1 reason to call JD an “American Christian” and not a “Protestant” in all this is the actual Protestant Reformers read books and took theology seriously. For all his awful parts, Luther would have crumpled JD into a ball in <5 min. JD comes from the “you can’t tell me nuthin’” tradition we excel at.

Hey, so ICE is still kidnapping and disappearing people in the United States.

Just because they got quieter about it doesn't make it okay.

Abolish ICE. Chinga la Migra.

Gonna be cool and normal when the American Schism happens and the President becomes New Pope just like the founding of the Church of England

*pounding table*

SCHISM! SCHISM! SCHISM!