At the next meeting, I’m going to bring up how you’ve recreated like 75% of The Wraith and how this means you deserve the car more than Jeff Dunham

Mine is modern sport jiu-jitsu, where I drop to the floor and wait for you to get on top of me. Nothing shuts up a complainer faster than offering yourself to them.

Ep: 2 - The Wraith with Robert Brockway It's officially Tubi Tuesday

Episode 2 of the PoG podcast is out today! @brockway.bsky.social joins me to kick off Tubi Tuesday, where we celebrate the only movie streaming algorithm that respects our time. We begin with The Wraith, a movie that asks "What if The Crow, but sweet-ass car instead of bird"

How it feels to watch the group chat move on as you struggle to finish a time sensitive joke but your thumbs are having a fat day and spellcheck decided to just start making shit up

Reference MACHINE this episode

I promise you’ve never heard of this Martin Kove show in your whole life.

No matter how many times I’ve seen “Event Horizon”, it catches me off guard every time credits roll and Prodigy’s “Funky Shit” comes in out of god damn nowhere.

Ep: 1 - What the Hell is Dudley Do-Right with Lydia Bugg Dudley Do-Right with Lydia Bugg

New podcast format for all the cinematic trash we love to consume! Grab the rss feed or listen on your favorite platform. Special guest @youknowlydia.bsky.social brings possibly the most surprisingly un-woke movie ever made

As someone who trained in advanced public pissing in the CBGB’s men’s bathroom, thank you for preserving these sacred battlegrounds

“Sorry. This skull is spoken for”

Thinking about becoming a cyber cowboy. Please respect my decision during these difficult times.

Turn Horror into Hope with Tremfya YouTube video by Zak's Planet of Garbage

Throwback: everyone gangsta until the potential side effects kick in

It’s either one or the other, clock is ticking!

As a minimalist, I’m so relieved humanity has reduced all human interaction down to either rage or horny.

These are basically the conversations I want to have all day every day

“Are the answers to your disease here?”
*Playful stroke
“Yessss”

Gonna show up to the function in my cyber duster and smugly ask people if they want to know the truth about the world. If they say yes, I’ll wordlessly hand them a Mike and Ike, which every pocket will be filled with.

To be clear, it’s because of his status as a rule breaking beefcake and not because he’s litigious brat.

Peak beefcake cinema

Nothing annoys me more than a mfer with something to lose. Look at you, afraid to risk your job security. Your cushy retirement package. Your…health insurance?? Psht. How did you even end up like this? Seriously, tell me how. I’m too reckless and impulsive to figure this shit out and my teeth hurt.

If you have ADHD and struggle to drink enough water, you need to gamify that shit. I use ice in all my drinks. Suddenly you have to negotiate an obstacle to get the liquid. And when you’re done you get to eat some water, which is way more stimulating than drinking it.

Here’s yet another delightful podcast featuring me! If you’re a me fan then this has been an incredible week. If you’re not, then I guess this has been a pretty shitty period in your life.

Auralnauts Movie Podcast lives on! Today, returning guest @vhuspodcast.bsky.social helps Zak untangle the complexities of the future presented in 2020 Texas Gladiators.
on.soundcloud.com/0fbsfDVnCLy6...

Yeah that’s actually my bad for misunderstanding

a man in a suit and tie is looking at something ALT: a man in a suit and tie is looking at something

Me looking at the friends who told me to stay positive because life gets better as a cabal of murderous pedophiles destroy the world.

Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 262, Automan with Zak Koonce Automan ran for only 12 episodes in 1983 because the world wasn't ready for the story of a computerized man in a star wetsuit whose horny pixel sidekick can make a laser car out of anything. You know

Automan ran for only 12 episodes in 1983 because the world wasn't ready for the story of a computerized man in a star wetsuit. You know who was ready? Our guest, @zakkoonce.bsky.social. Also, @seanbaby.bsky.social, and @brockway.bsky.social. on.soundcloud.com/AdMwbdNXYRiJ...

I’m straight up SLATHERED

Me leaving NYC: I can’t wait to live somewhere that’s not as humid.
My skin during winter in CO:

Ladies and gentlemen, they included Fisto. This summer, kinks will not be shamed.

Turbo Teen: Blood Drive Full Theme Song YouTube video by Zak's Planet of Garbage

Expository theme song for my horror version of Turbo Teen now has a music video. I’m not responsible for the whatever happens if you listen to this while driving.