The Onion wants to make us submissive slaves to the New world order.

Correct.

Riding a bike is one path toward radicalization in The War on Cars.

We Need Fewer Influencers and More Bullshit E-mail Jobs We need Directors of Manual Automation Sales Development who roll up their sleeves and type one singular e-mail every day in which they pass off their work to a different department.

this but unironically www.newyorker.com/humor/shouts...

Democrats planning to run in November’s midterm elections have been advised not to antagonise pro-AI campaign groups that have amassed more than $300mn to fight for the industry’s priorities. The warnings by top party consultants, corroborated by people close to four different campaigns and party strategists speaking on the condition of anonymity, come despite internal polling for Democrats showing widespread public support for tougher AI rules.

They're calling it the best democracy ever.

www.ft.com/content/7529...

Wet Dry World is the scariest level in any video game I've ever played. What is The Town? Why is the level surrounded by ruins? Why are the only enemies gigantic water striders and that guy made of circles who throws you? Very unnerving place to consider.

learning that Israel is one of the main suppliers of the fluoride that gets added to our water supply is like the Super Bowl for conspiracy theorists

HBO / Warner Bros shitting the bed and getting their big behemoth stomped out by just a guy on youtube and a crew of LGBTQ+ in an indie company is some real David and Goliath stuff

I gotta say, if I saw "Daddy Yankee" on a ballot, it would be a struggle as an American to not cast a vote for him.

"keep thinking about how I wrote in my dissertation about how every time a new form of public/social space emerges it’s immediately popular with kids and teenagers who see it as a chance at freedom and then adults colonise it and kick them out. this happened with malls in the 80s and diners in the 50s and pool halls in the 20s. my dad was doing research on this trend in like 1975. and I was like “yeah so this is going to happen to the internet” and then five years later every government suddenly decided to ban kids from everywhere online. I hate being right especially when I don’t even get paid for it"

how adults colonize every third space and remove young people — including the Internet

link: dragon-in-a-fez.tumblr.com/post/8134647...

I remain convinced that one of the most important things the next Democratic president can do to avoid falling victim to a Biden-style vibecession is to mercilessly, relentlessly crack down on crypto and organized gambling. Just go full scorched-earth.

Caesar No Grandkids

being a guy in a mostly woman office environment is the greatest gig in human history if they can just get over the "treat them like people" hurdle

Dee Reynolds from It's Always Sunny singing the end of the Nightman Cometh. She sings "just to be clear i did not write that song and have never had sex with a child"

why did Melania say this at her press conference?

We've made real strides in gender equity by dramatically expanding unhealthy body expectations among men, young men in particular

Happy Appomattox Day to all that celebrate

Will always take the opportunity to bring up that these people have made my brother's life terrible, as a non-verbal special-needs dude with a severe phobia of dogs. Like "will scream if any dog quickly approaches him" bad. Abusing accessibility measures is evil, and all these people suuuckkk

dad: so whats the deal with the war

me: *speaks for 5 min*

dad: wow that is an impressive analysis

me: thanks I took it from a person I follow online who is a subject matter expert

dad: oh whats their name

me: They are a cartoon dog wearing underwear as a face mask called Piss Prevail On Earth

Uh-oh. Bad news for Tiffany Trump.

The whole world will be your enemy, prince with a thousand enemies. And when they catch you, they will smash you with a hammer. But first they must catch you.

In Korea, when the president declared martial law after midnight and erected barricades in Seoul, congressional reps from all parties ran into the streets, yanked ak47s from the army at the barricades, broke down the locked door to Congress, repealed the martial law order, and arrested the president

John Dies At The End by David Wong is always my first horror recommendation. It is extremely spooky and funny and it reads quick but there are also I think 4 books already and a fifth on the way.

Liminal States by Zack Parsons is more thinky and less funny but still excellent.

i'm sorry but the moon is a complete boondoggle that should never have been put up there in the first place. we still have to send repair missions up there a hundred-plus years later all because taft was trailing in the polls and decided to learn magick. i don't know why he thought it would help him

Israel’s parliament passed a law on Monday that would allow the hanging of Palestinians convicted of deadly militant attacks, but critics say it will almost certainly not be applied to Jewish extremists convicted of similar crimes.

"Opinion polls have shown majority backing for the legislation among Jewish Israelis."
www.nytimes.com/2026/03/30/w...

@Nemzsi thank you black mold. thats a wonderful idea black mold

what people sound like when they say i asked claude

I did not care for it.

the gormenghast books are about two horrible weirdos named like Wartslough and Festerbrew sitting in some decrepit castle room saying "exactlyyy" back and forth, forever, and it's the best thing ever