Gorgeiiiiii lovely bae babeee bee babbaa

Always a gent 💕💕💕💕

So what’s the wording for tc here? BS?????

Why scream into the void when you can scream into your crotch?

SON: I was awarded the Leslie Nielsen badge at school

ME: What's that?

SON: A big building with lots of kids, but that's not important right now

Heyooooo

[handing mixtape to doctor]
please, my beats, they're very sick

I love it when people say ‘what’s a pretty thing like you doing without a man?’

Sleeping like a starfish that’s what

elon musk wakes up and blinks dirt out of his eyes. he crawls his way to the surface, his pale form leaving a slimy residue in his wake. he grasps for a notebook. “genius ideas” is scribbled across the front. he writes “make wheel more rounder?” and smiles. so smart

Big day for Captain Tom’s family watchers. The grift that keeps on giving.

I hope all the hotties follow me here too 🙏🏻

Greying but wildly hot middle aged woman checking in

The moons in the microwave

Haven’t been here in a minute

Soz I’ve been in wales

the best piece of dating advice I can give you is just don’t do it

Why do I like the devil dick 😩

Remembering that time the boy I was going on a date with asked me for some advice 😍

me my dog
🤝
uncomfortable
celebrating the
fourth of july

When life gives you lemons, give the lemons back. Why were the lemons free? Is something wrong with the lemons? Are the lemons haunted? Be suspicious of the lemons.

Something something founding daddies

I think Pete Davidson just texts back real quick

Reconnecting with my Twitter mutuals

There’s no DM’s here so if you wanna hit me up you have to do it in PUBLIC

I think Pete Davidson just texts back real quick

😂😂😂🫡 i gotchuuuu

why are we, as humans, like this ??

[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?