nobody ever told me being a bridesmaid would be so much work, I’d never do this to my best friends, I’d hire a professional bridesmaid

cowboy baby

my job is literally beach

cant watch Barbie in theatres unfortunately; I don’t own any cute pink clothes and I refuse to feel left out

where the fuck is my vape

would you really eat a burger with pink sauce

arrested development is peak

if i don't goof off for 3 to 7 hours every night when i should be sleeping then i'll die

hopping on threads just to reassure myself that im one of the funniest people i know

he’s on his way to the office

threads is just bsky except the only posts u see are from random brand accounts and all cousins and high school friends can see you being weird

can we bring back friendster instead

oh he’s about to take a good ass nap

they’re very proud of their work

i think sharing ur vape with someone is romantic and intimate

my brain the whole time im watching the good doctor

blocked someone for saying if you still use twitter you’re pro fascist. My brother in christ bluesky is 99% white right now and I’ve yet to see another puerto rican. new discourse every morning, no nba gifs, nobody uploading entire films in mp4 format. we got some work to do here

pussy so good he’s emailing me after I blocked him (real, unfortunately)

this pod is so shit it tastes like im vaping straight nyquil, im an allo girl for life i fear 😔

this guy is rlly losing his plane virginity for me

sometimes u just have to ghost a person so they get the hint that u don’t want them anymore, otherwise they might fly to ur city and try to surprise u

his little crybaby ass at the vet bc I took him inside without his sister

“she’s mid” - a man who looks like he had to sneak into the planet

workout of the day is giving my dogs a bath

if i follow you you’re beautiful sexy ethereal

i like to surround myself with beautiful people to cancel out the fact that i only fuck medium ugly men

AHHH MAKES SENSE!! Enzo is a cocker spaniel x toy poodle mix! when he’s not being naughty and stealing clothes from my laundry pile he’s just a very sleepy boy. it’s worse when he’s playing with Ellie, our older girl, they go crazy and destroy everything in their path 😭

OMG THEY LOOK SO MUCH ALIKE!! curious, what breed is everett? and yes unfortunately my Enzo loves to get up to no good as well 😭 i just can’t do much about it bc every time I catch him he rolls over like that and makes it hard for me to get mad

1 like = 1 very gentle admonishing

i’m filipino *gets shot*