It’s hard to focus in the middle of the smoke, flames, screams, tumbling walls - impossible to even assess how much damage is actually being done - but I'm focusing on just getting through, hanging on to what and who I can, so we can get to work with whatever is left when the flames die down. 8/8

So to keep my sanity I’m focusing on what I can save in this moment, and what it will take to rebuild after the arsonists are gone.
Because they will be gone.
They are always eventually gone, leaving more generous minds and hearts to figure out how to build the next house.
It’s what we do. 7/8

Do we have to burn down the house and lose so many beautiful irreplaceable things and people? No. And that makes the destruction so much worse.
But here we are.
The arsonists have been given matches, lighter fluid, and (seeming) permission. 6/8

And if I’m NOT in a position to personally save things amid the flames (and even if I am), I’m going to focus on rebuilding. Because we ARE going to have to rebuild.
Many houses have been incinerated in many places over the past 5,000 years. And they have been rebuilt.
It’s what we do. 5/8

I can’t save everyone or everything. There are going to be massive losses, things we’ll never have again, and literal deaths. But I’ll have to grieve later or cry as I save. But what can I save in this moment? Can I take moments to breathe and collect myself before going back into the blaze? 4/8

So what can we do?
What can I do?
First, I keep calling the fire department.
And if I’m in a position to know what’s valuable in any given blazing room, my job is to rescue what I can. Grab the most important irreplaceable stuff and people and get them to safety. 3/8

(and only some members of the fire department are showing up, just now breaking out the hoses). And there are family members INSIDE the house cheering the flames to go higher! Higher! “This house had gotten rotten,” they say, “We have to burn down all the bad rooms (just not MY room!)" 2/8

It seems to me we are a family in a house on fire. It turns out some of the family are arsonists actively working to light new blazes in every room they find, leaving many of us with no obvious fire extinguishers and calling the fire department over and over to stop this thing. 1/8

She takes my first still-full cup, hands me the second cup, throws the coffee from the first cup in my face with a hurried, “Drink this” and walks off to help another customer.
I did not leave a tip.
But I will also say this is not the worst waitress experience I have ever had.

She hustles off, brings a plastic tea pot and empty plastic cup, pours my “coffee” into the cup and hands it me. “Here you go.”
“Thank you.”She immediately grabs another cup and fills that one too. Tries to hand it to me.
“I’m still drinking this one.”

IN THE COMMUNITY PLAY ROOM #2:
Sitting on the tiny chair at the tiny dining table as Lightning Bug is my waitress.
She asks what I want to drink. I say, “Coffee, please.”

- On a freezing cold day, there is nothing like the warmth generated by small children charging around befuddled adults.

-Parents cheering on a little boy who is gently cradling a baby doll as “What a careful big brother you are!” will lead to that little boy then hurling the baby doll across the room. There is much less cheering at this point.

- There is a thrill in hearing an adult yell “Noah’s jumped ship!” and wondering what that’s a code word for. There is disappointment in learning that it literally refers to the old man doll that has fallen off the animal-crowded ark a child is dragging across the floor.

-There is much disagreement over which child will get to play with the Green Engine on the Thomas The Tank Engine train table. There is total agreement over the joy in creating a massive derailment of those trains at speed.

- Repeatedly calling “Peter, stop running” “Peter, stop running" across the room to one's child who is racing around with a little airplane does not, oddly, prove effective at stopping Peter from running.

- When sitting in the pretend dining room, you may order a pancake & toast, but your plate will arrive loaded with plastic pizza, a taco, fried eggs, sushi, strawberries, toast, and a hamburger. The waitstaff won't make sure you eat it all as they charge back to the kitchen to make even more food.

- There is a special joy (if one is a 7-year-old) in drawing horribly scary pictures and taping them around the room at toddler eye-level.

- Little girls love walking around in toy high heels and shiny dresses. The fact that they all look like drunken Disney princesses trying to hail a cab is beside the point.

THINGS I LEARNED IN THE COMMUNITY PLAY ROOM #1:
- It’s smart for everyone to wash hands before coming into the room. It will be undermined 4.5 seconds later with the first child to pick their nose and handle the teddy bear.

none of which will be found in any genetic test, but clearly traveling along this families’ bloodline, most likely without them even knowing it.
And it makes me wonder what gesture life my older kids and Lightning Bug have and will have that will only be noticeable to people outside our family.

Because I know that in watching that aging parent that I’m watching THEIR parent who I will never meet, and probably many generations of parents before them, all leaving their tiny imprints on the future-

The slight smile and tilt of the head back when sharing a happy detail, the particular way they move their arms when they walk quickly, the exact same moment of hesitation partway through a sentence to find the next word.

I love meeting the parents of adult friends.
There is the pleasure of seeing the physical connections between generations - a shared jawline or upturned eyes for example - but what delights me are the unconscious shared gestures:

I know in some families after dinner a child asks, “May I be excused?” and leaves the table.
And that happens here too.
But in our family last night after dinner Lightning Bug announced “I’M LEAVING!”, made vague tiger clawing motions at Carol, and stalked past us saying “Boing. Boing. Boing."

Hooray!

And then my daughter convinced me that defying gravity is not just a song.