get some chips on the way at least

David Cameron got that pig's head pregnant and thats where wes streeting came from

They're gonna do this to Matt Damon and Ben Affleck one day

Niles and Frasier labelled labour left and labour right. One says "it's times like this that most parties pull together and draw strength from each other" there is a pause and then ".. what shall we do?" As a reply

Ed Miliband being mentioned seriously as a candidate for PM, Francois Hollande running for President again. The piss weak social democrats of 2012 are back and they're turning up the volume!

life defining Christopher Plummer as Captain Von Trapp gf, life defining Christopher Plummer as Lord Wellington bf

Keir Starmer failing in defence at a critical moment and bottling a long time lead must feel amazing for the football fan inside him, it's like he's actually a part of Mikel Arteta's arsenal

the people who say "don't look a gift horse in the mouth" are trying to hide the sweet sweet view of some rear horse molars

learning about fourier transforms at uni but every twenty minutes the professor pauses to kickstart a discussion on why the white race might be superior, you have to be okay with it or the university gets flattened by the RAF

This can't be right. Wes Streeting is banking all his political credibility on pushing through a deal with them and the NHS, surely not big Wes with his marzipan face would make this blunder ?

My planet, lethal weapon 9, is beautiful when the sun is low

(9 voice) my lethal weapon

The names 9, lethal weapon 9

Me: haha, this post says a spicy dorito would kill a medieval peasant

Grom, my jealous Orc flatmate: Grom's axe would fell many more peasants, and Grom's axe needs no flavour

my assistant coming up to me with a laboured "toucan/tycoon" pun and i pour my drink down their trousers .. useless

who even started canning worms ? some sort of bird industrialist

Personally, I think the U16 social media bans should extend to parents documenting parenthood online without withholding their children's identities

glumfaced thumbs down emoji

just realized i didn't fall out of a coconut tree

replying with this next time my friends asked me to game but i can't be bothered

National psychopomp Paddington Bear walks arsenal football club to heaven

about that time of year again

a polyglot is a goblin with two boyfriends

ME: i’m so sick and tired of being set upon by the baron’s hounds
HER: Maybe stop hopping the fence into his estate?
ME: sympathy not solutions plz
HER: I’m so sorry, that sounds very painful. I know you’re trying really hard to get The Baron’s priceless egg.
ME: it should be *my* egg :(

A flatscreen display on a "smart" water fountain, demanding to be reconnected to the internet.

In 1999, I was playing a decker in Shadowrun, and tried to distract a guard by hacking a water fountain to overflow, and my GM said "why would a water fountain be on the network? That's fucking stupid. No you can't try."

Well it's 2026 and I just want you to know, Phil, that I FUCKING CALLED IT!

Sick of this hipster analysis

time to be glimbelshaft-maxxing

telling my little cousin to get off youtube and come hang out with my mates instead

making an Instagram account for your pet but giving your pet really horrid views

"Meowmy got a flu vaccination how do I free her from Bill Gates' evil paws"

what if i want to be a slut in a cyber dystopia

all these djs but no one has made a good mix of sabrina carpenter and carpenter brut

strange these op-eds about women being too angry have all come out the last few days when during the same time there's also been a massive investigation published on an online rape academy with millions of viewers a month and none of them have bothered to even cover it, even as news