Joke sign reading, shoplifters will be prostituted

I chuckled at the sign, tempted to take a pic for reddit. The stolen beer tucked in my jacket made me think better of it. Best not to draw attention when the guy behind the counter was already giving me the evil eye.

My head swam as I stepped out onto the street.

Where was I?

What was I doing?

I had breasts? BREASTS??!!?? Even as I touched them, I couldn't believe it.

"I warned you," my sister said, smirking down at me, naked on her bedroom floor, wearing her pink thong. "I told you I'd turn you into one of those sluts you look at online! But you couldn't stay out of my room, could you?"

"What have you done to me?" I asked my wife.

"Isn't that obvious?" she asked me, smirking at my tits. The spell she had cast on me had turned me into a woman our age. I still looked like me, sort of, but a striking, mature, female version of myself. "I made you my bitch, Honey. You're MY wife now!"

I don't want to live out the rest of my life trapped in my daughter's body, but what choice do I have? She doesn't want to be me; I don't want to be her. But here I am, stuck living her life, dealing with her menstrual cycle and her high school life until we can break this curse.

I can't forget her, the witch, the woman who found me at the edge of death on that camping trip after I wandered into the woods and got lost. She told me that she would save me ... for a price. The price was my manhood. I go back there often, hoping to find her, but I never do.

The woman that cast my #SlutCurse on me wanted everyone to know that I had been a man. She wanted my friends and family to recognize me. But most of all - the part of my curse that is the most damning part - is that I have to tell everyone that this is my punishment for staring.

I shoulda read the label closer. it said it would give me the muscular body I wanted, but I didn't notice that it said it would give me a female body and stupid brain. But it does feel kinda hot to be buff and sexy. I bet I'd be the hottest fuck evah!
#muscle #bimbo #bodyswap

"Sooo ..." I couldn't believe that this blonde girl was my husband. "Tell me again. WHY did your waitress cast a #SlutCurse on you exactly?"

"I don't know. I didn't do anything!"

I doubted that. "And your dick is really gone?"

"DICK?" he screamed, eyes wild, starting to salivate. "WHERE??!!??"

Hey, what can I say? Just because I'm under a #SlutCurse, I still have rent and bills to pay. A guy turned girl still has to eat. I thought my boss would be mad that part of my curse is that whatever I wear turns slutty, but he doesn't seem to have a problem with it.
#ProPackageHandler

All these girls were once male scumbag stockbrokers who got off scamming people. The group were looking for cocaine when a dealer offered them a special type called pixie dust. It was cocaine mixed with Elixir.

Twice the kick and 10x more addicting.

The smallest drop and you’re hooked for life.

My kidnapper was the one that turned me from a man into a busty young woman. He said it was the best insurance he had that I wouldn't try to escape, or tell anyone who I really am. But the longer my wife refuses to pay, the more he grumbles, threatening to auction off my virginity online.

"No, really, I'm telling the truth. I *AM* a man! I swear it! ... My name? Sure. It's ... um ... I, I can't remember. But you have to believe me. I was a man. I called that blonde bitch a dumb slut, and she said, 'No, you're a dumb slut.' And now I'm ... horny? Yeah. I'm REALLY horny. Wanna fuck?"

I might look calm, but inside I am PANICKING! Ever since I stole this jewelry, nothing in my life has gone right. I couldn't fence it. Then I couldn't stop obsessing over it. Then I put it all on, and then it turned me into a woman obsessed with glamour. My life as a man is OVER!

My wife and I had done missionary work before. We knew the people. We knew the jungle. But what we didn't know or expect were the ruins and the magic they contained. After our bodyswap, we considered leaving and never returning. But we love the work, and it's important. And we still have each other.

Almost every day I wake up as a new, different woman. This is my #SlutCurse: to understand women by "walking a mile in their shoes." 👠 Literally. That's what the one night stand I used said when she cursed me. Today I guess I have to be a dumb bikini beach slut. Only, like, does she even own shoes?

My girlfriend thought it would be funny for us to dress up as a gender-swapped Batman and Catwoman. Only the witch at the costume shop took her literally and sold her #MagicCostume costumes! Now I'm the purrrfect woman while she's off fighting crime every single night.

I had three wishes. I wished to be rich. I wished to be famous. I wished I could get my hands on a woman as beautiful as Kim Kardashian and as deadly as Leeloo from The Fifth Element who could fall in love with me. Well, all of my wishes came true, and I fell in love with myself.

Men can't cast a #SlutCurse, but they CAN pay a woman to cast one for them. Like me. I paid to have my ex's new boyfriend turned into a hot, blue-eyed blonde. Only ... the woman I hired took my money and betrayed me. Now I'M the hot, horny, blonde slut who has to wear her hair in pigtails!!!

I thought I was lucky that casino in Reno would extend me a large line of credit. I kept telling myself that I would win it all back. But when I lost it all instead, the casino owner told me I would have work my debt off. I thought he meant dishes or something, but me, a man, as a smiley SHOWGIRL?!?

The bodyswap that ended with me in my teenage daughter's body, her in my wife's body, and my wife in my body was only the beginning of my problems. Not only am I now in detention for correcting my teacher, but my daughter in my wife's body is shaming me for it on social media!!!

"Why," I asked my blind date, "are Asian girls like you always so flat-chested?" She got mad and said, "I know at least one Asian girl with big boobs ... YOU!" Which I guess was enough of a #SlutCurse to turn me into an Asian girl with huge tits.

When my wife gave me pajamas for Christmas that were clearly made for a woman, I didn't understand. Then she reminded me that for 10 years, my New Year's resolution had been to understand women. "This is the year," she vowed as the #CursedPajamas I held turned me into a young woman for the new year.

I'm not sure what's worse: catching #GirlCooties and getting transformed from a man into a young woman, or being forced by my annoyed wife to let our teenage daughter buy my new wardrobe for me, and boy does she think it's funny to dress me up in all the clothes I wouldn't ever let her wear!

I was stunned by my first sight of my blind date from the app. She was wearing so much makeup I asked if she was a drag queen or if I had to pay her by the hour. She got really mad and cast a #SlutCurse on me to dress like a drag queen, be a horny slut, but to only let men fuck me if they pay me.

I drove my wife to divorce me, complaining that she wasn't enough like a 50s housewife. So she left me, but not before casting a #SlutCurse on me to turn me into the kind of woman I had always wanted her to be. I'm wearing black now, mourning the death of my manhood.

Most of the time, a #SlutCurse turns a man into a slutty woman. Mine is a little different. I told a woman that got promoted over me at work that she was stupid and nothing but a pretty face, so she cursed ME to have a pretty face, to love makeup. So I do, but the rest of me is still all male.

I hate this body. All anyone sees is what I look like. My body. My beauty. Not me. Never me. All because I went on one blind date with a hot girl from a dating app. She cried about how hard it was being beautiful, and I laughed at her. So she cast a #SlutCurse on me.

I'm not laughing anymore.

I caught #GirlCooties and lost everything. My body. My gender. My manhood. My job. My marriage. My home. My relationship with my kids. My own teenage daughter began to bully and physically abuse me. So I ran. I live on the streets now. I don't have much, but at least no one knows I used to be a man.

I had wild sex with a bi girl, only to have a girl that liked her cast a #SlutCurse on me. She couldn't bear the idea of her crush being with a man like me. Then my slutty behavior with a guy had his girlfriend cast another #SlutCurse on me, turning me into an oral-sex addicted glamazon lesbian.

I was a middle aged man. I was tall, fit, muscular, with Italian good looks and a dark complexion. Then I caught #GirlCooties. Now I'm short, blonde, petite, with fair skin, blue eyes, and dark red lips. I look like I'm twelve going on thirteen and my wife treats me like a child.