Please continue to be assured that our roadkill-based meats are processed in accordance with current federal health guidelines. All carcass penises are cut off and removed for study at the point of roadside collection.
Thank you for enjoying arbys
It's always been for entertainment. The rule is, if you can put your genitals into it (or the other way round), it's for entertainment.
Roast beef is brown
and covered in cheeses
You'll stay dead when you die,
Unlike that made-up cunt Jesus.
Please enjoy arbys
"Almost"? These sandwiches can and should be fucked to completion. Bonus: if you eat it afterward, you can finish twice.
We're more than that. We also contain bags of sewage.
If you roll your eyes when a billionaire CEO does an unintended public humiliation ritual, but then cheer when other billionaire CEOs uncreatively compete to outdo him to sell you things, you're probably also entertained by watching someone jingle keys in front of you.
Please eat arbys products
Our marketing people suggested we do something to encourage customers to trust us so we blew up an elementary school full of children.
Please enjoy arbys
Hey kids why not smash your face with a hammer and make your dick broken. It's not like the world is any more tolerable even if you could get laid.
No one has to die of anything they don't want to. Remember that.
You'll probably die of a disease that could be cured or prevented by an absolutely stupid amount of money you don't have.
Many corporations each spent 10 or 100 times that to make 30-second displays of flickering lights to sell you garbage during a football game.
Please eat arbys for some reason
Shoot drugs directly into your dick vein. Who cares? Your government might murder you tomorrow, might as well.
Thanks for enjoying arbys
uh ok, you are hereby sponsored or something. Please enjoy being showered with nothing. Hope that helps.
It's cold as shit outside. If unauthorized civilians keep opening up the fire hydrant out front and causing a huge disruptive frozen mess all over the street, I swear to god I'll cum.
Hope you like your drinks room temperature because we are fucking DONE with ice.
Please enjoy arbys
We drink their milkshake.
That Wendy's across the street looked pretty sus. We rocked up to that dirty terrorist beef store and sent their fenty-ass manager to jail in our gross beef jail.
Fuck yeah, bro. We rule that Wendy's now.
Eat arbys because we are super good at being in charge of all the beef yo.
All events are ultimately meaningless. The shit I took last Tuesday is as consequential as any symbolically important event on someone's calendar.
The inexorable arrow of time plows forward toward your obliteration.
Assigning an arbitrary cyclical period and attaching a cultural expectation that we feel some sort of optimism and hope for renewal is some real baby-brain shit.
Eat arbys for yet another rotation around a nuclear maelstrom.
Spoiler alert: that baby dies.
Eat arbys festively.
Ancient people celebrated the darkest, shortest day of the year and so should you because fuck being awake.
Please enjoy arbys.
Everyone dies of botulism. Somewhere, thousands of years later, no one notices or cares. At least you were king.
Thanks for playing along in thinking we could make this garbage existence darkly tolerable. It's been real.
Do you have a series of thin self-induced scars on some extremity? Seems like the same kind of pathology.
No matter where you are, you're at most only about 4 miles from certain death - a distance you could easily walk in the first half of a football game.
Gravity is the only thing holding us back. The stars taunt us for our inability to reach the oblivion that is the entire universe.
Eat arbys
Why would you make me read this many words while changing lanes doing 80? Seems a little irresponsible, if I'm being honest.
Since everyone liked that passed-out drunk bathroom raccoon so much, why not go viral by OD'ing on fent and showing hole on our new bathroom cam?
Please continue to enjoy arbys
Almighty Nothing,
Thank you for this bounty of whatever our economic overlords have seen fit to place upon our table or center console or whatever today. We are grateful that each mouthful has brought shareholder value to someone, and look forward to shitting it into the void.
Eat arbys, amen.
We don't cross beef streams with @steakumm.bsky.social because they are actual corporate whores with shit to sell. We're just rawdogging the end of civilization for free.
bro, every Arby's has a bucket of horse cum as a condiment, really?
🎤MIC DROP!🎤
Give thanks this week only with our new limited-time Roast Tirkey sandwich, noticeably bulging and absolutely bursting with cranberry sauce from a precision-placed hole in each bloated chunk of white meat.
Thanks for eating arbys