do u guys think that when a clown uses a bidet their nose lights up

every night I like to play a game called How Many Sad Things Will Make Me Cry Tonight. I win every time

I’m sorry if I haven’t reached out, but my arms are busy hugging myself right now

Pretty rude that you haven’t given me your embroidered handkerchief yet for when I ride into battle

Like a phoenix rising from the vape cloud

What do you mean men don’t know a woman’s body?
I learned all about the angina

for those that don’t like my taste in music i blast Sublime, it feeds my skadenfreude

Funny how two people can find each other when they’re both lost

Dr. Frankenstein: Did your intuition return?

Igor: Yes I got my hunch back.

[pulitzer prize ceremony]

Son: I'd like to dedicate this to my father

[camera cuts to me eating corn nuts in a darth vader t-shirt]

“Let’s make this onesie a twosie”

Either playful and romantic, or
EXTREMLY messy

This circle jerk could have been a blunt rotation

I’m like your phone, I light up when you look at me

I’m obsessed with you??
YOU’RE the one that won’t get out of my head!

*Invites you to my art show*

*My mom put my drawings all over the refrigerator*

The blood of my enemies always give me such heartburn

Clouds are just the moon’s farts

*Sandman sprinkles you with sleeping dust*

Hey, why is this so orange? Is this just Cheetos powder off your fingers??

I wasn’t watching you sleep, I’m not a weirdo.

I was recording your sleep farts

The world wants something that’s inside you.

YOUR ORGANS

“I’ve only got eyes for you”

- Someone in love with you, or a black market organ salesman that’s low on inventory

I only call you baby doll because I think you’re cursed, and will probably kill me

*Rides up on a white horse, with a bag full of your favorite stuff from Taco Bell*

It’s a little messy, but good to know I’m not weird

Turns out I’m not an insomniac, I’m actually a werewolf

Sith wear necklaces like the split best friends ones, but they say master and apprentice

I think you keep calling me a vampire because you want me to bite your neck

I did a drawing of you, but I was hungry and ate the mashed potatoes

Yep!

I’ve probably trusted too many big asses and smiles in my life