I feel bad cause it was when i wanted to let go the most. to die the most. just to get it over.
i realized, i had been letting toxic people in.
so. im not doing that anymore. People can still talk to me.
but im not searching for friends.. i dont have the energy for fake people anymore.
to be honest, Im sick, I'm weak, i was bed bound for a few months. im slowly getting better. but i dont want to be in that spot anymore. I'm not reaching out to make friends anymore. I'm more peaceful alone. and havent felt this good about myself ever. this is the first time i feel at peace.
I lost a lot of friends during that time cause i vanished. a Lot not on good terms due to me struggling to find myself in the mesh of DID and learning myselves.
I have 2 maybe 3 friends that i actually care for that checked up on me. that kept talking to me even though i didnt respond.
I had lost weight. from 220lbs to 209 in three months. not cause i wanted to. but cause it happened. went into outpatient 2 times. and just gave up on life to the point where my POTS took over my health, i wasnt drinking water and was sent to the ER every month for IVs. every month for every week.
My grandmother had passed away. And i was going through withdraws from not being able to be on abilify, the one drug i had been on for years. since i was 18.
I had found out i had DID and other problems. ADHD, with my PTSD. I was trying to sell everything i had, and dodging people i cared about
So, I think its time to take down the mask.
Ive been struggling for years. putting on a mask trying to make everyone happy in struggles to keep myself happy. i wasn't happy. I was just bending over for the approval of others. To the point of trying to kill myself.
I pulled away in December.
I already eat them out of the can, cold, unheated and can eat a whole family sized can without getting sick. So this would be no problem.
Most of my friends always tell me "Its great to be able to just, Come back like nothing has happened!"
Wuh? wuh happned? What day is it? Oh, its been a whole year? Oh, yeah, i thought it was still ya know. last month 12 months ago.
I dont try to ghost people because i want to.
Found out its just not DID with PTSD, Depression and Autism. Its DID, all that shit, And AuDHD. xD
Wellbutrin is awesome.
Makes me go BRRRRRR
Some people will hate, Some people will love, Just means you made an Unforgettable and impacting character.
You did, what others wouldn't dare to do and thats great.
Yes she did Very Questionable shit. but that questionable Shit is what makes her unique and Out of the box!
Oof, Ouch. I'm sorry that happened Panda. They should have at least said they couldnt afford it and not ghost.
Fursuit making stuff is scary having to deal with that stuff I bet.
Your stuff is so freaking nice though!
I just met you and looked through all of your work and I wish I had the talent you have.
That kinda makes me afraid to do any custom stuff that isnt premades...
Feeling depressed.
"Nothing I ever do is worth it or will make me worth it"
Keeps going around in my head.
I dont feel worth anything.
You Lunar paintings always make me get some of that 'feeling' I don't know exactly what it is but I'm always in Awe of it.
I read through the comments of this post too and saw someone else with PCOS and i think i understand how they feel. They always have life and connection in them.
I have the bling box one.
I'll send you a note and we will talk about it soon maybe?
I level'd up. Im 35 years old now, and my back hates me.
i pop everytime i stand up to stretch now.
Birthday is on the 15th, I'm broke as fuck and need to pay off bills as i am struggling to draw to sell adoptable.
ko-fi.com/barkitup/shop
I lowered the price of my old characters. its almost 7 am, im tired so im gunna go to bed.
I also have toyhou.se/SketchBound/...
That people can look through.
This guy's still for sale. www.thedealersden.com/listing/fire...
Thinking of the time where I was asking a friend if he could hang out with me but once a month was too stressful for him and I took up too much of his time.
Hmmm. I wonder if hes the same way now.
Can I just say I'm blessed by y'all?
You need to do what you love, or you'll burn out like I did.
I still look up to your art. and how much better you have gotten over the years is inspiring
Its okay Cutie. Sometimes we need to get stuff off our chests to make us feel better. Those who care will still be there.
I need to start working on fursuits again, but ive been stuck in depression.
Well, I got three likes, I'll show off what I want to do now, to try to get motivated. Jumping spiders. Two.
One red, one blue.
Sometimes I wonder if it was really worth it to try to get into fursuit making. It kinda depresses me knowing that I'm struggling, but then I look up at my wall and see this.
I'm still depressed, but kinda motivated to try to make more stuff like it or better. Makes me wonder how things will be.
If this gets a few likes, I'll share the art and idea of what i plan to make.
NERRRDDD, lol, jk, i love you, keep being you, infinite loop of love and caring for yourself love. You deserve to be happy. (Nerd <3 :3 )
I'm lost in, 'what is my fursona.' thoughts again
You power up by screaming? But, sexually?
It takes you 6 Episodes of moaning to get to the plot?
or are you just a super saiyan, but in bed?
Personally I'm Yamcha in a pit.
Hello! We are still trying to sell this head www.thedealersden.com/listing/fire...
We are also taking offers on it. To sell it means being able to work on MORE fursuit projects, the more i can work on, the better and more advanced I can get.
Please just spread the word to help a new suit maker out?