If it’s any help I understand there is now a feature in windows that will allow the computer to write quite a lot of the book for you. I’ve just popped down to the library to use their computer and can’t find it. Mrs Jenkins is coming in soon so I’ll ask her

I just asked my mam who says it’s a very common Russian name. In fact she told me she had a boyfriend called Fyodor when she worked as a secretary at the nuclear power plant. Funny chap apparently, always wanted her to bring him plans of the reactor. Naturally she did but then he did a runner

I’m not so sure it’s as high quality as you state as there’s clearly a typo on the front page. Fyodor? That can’t be a really name. In my 5 and a half years at school none of my classmates was called Fyodor. Surely they misspelled Frank. Or possible Faye. Or Jeff.

I’m stuck on what to call Wolverhampton and Little Hampton, which technically are now Northampton and Southampton respectively.

We should simplify all maps and town names using two cities, Southampton and Northampton. Everything in between is Hampton. London and everything East is East Hampton and west in west Hampton. Everything North, ok it’s quite a lot, is still Northampton. I can’t see any problems.

You’ve got me worried now. They just sold me tickets to the World Cup final and said it had been moved to farmer Jenkins upper field. I’m pretty sure the tickets are legit though as they had the FeeFa logo

Why not use your Ring doorbell to film it?

Text says I don’t really Know what a haiku Is

By @brianbilston.bsky.social

As a fellow mountain rescuer, I always laugh when stranded and lost climbers request an emergency chopper. The look on their faces when the helicopter flies off having delivered a mid 70s bike or murderous Australian criminal.

The great thing about this is when you end up in the one room bedsit, post your divorce, there’s no need to shout. Also no visitors but in a way, you’ve won that victory

My daughter lacked the dexterity to flick the ash so her cot became filthy really quickly. We took advice and moved her to a pipe and problem solved

Reasons I couldn’t be an astronaut (apart from being overweight, stupid and lazy) I could barely take the stress from my sofa let alone being sat in a box doing 24,000mph. You guys are amazing! #artemis2

👎

Life affirming TV

Forgotten just how good #TheAssembly is. Brilliant television

I’m still busy being desperately unfunny, annoying everyone and losing the limited number of followers I have

Ina, you’re back! Guessing it must be a busy time for you heading up the Reclaim PR campaign for the local elections. Keep fighting the good fight and much love to Rupert

I lost respect for a colleague when they announced where they were going for their week off “I’m going Dubai”, not only for the aforementioned sin of dropping the to but also for hoping we would be impressed that they were going to Dubai

Whilst I’m no movie expert like you I’ve always struggled to relate to films that are set a long time ago. The costumes, the speech etc. They should drop in more cultural references like Jack talking to Rose about his favourite film Star Wars or the best stunt in smokie and the bandit

Counter-counter point, this could be an old people’s home

Has it been a slow week for confessions? We are now at the level where a pretty common and very well known job is a confession?

A sign: CHICKENS & DUCKS! PLEASE KEEP YOUR DOG ON A LEAD

Can’t believe they let farmyard birds keep dogs as pets

Down here in the south we weren’t supposed to get much wind but it is pretty lively

You are a kind man @sirmichael.bsky.social. I bet those Astronauts and Astroladies haven’t done as much k*ssing as you.

A bit surprised that you didn’t mention that we are rapidly approaching Maypole dancing season not to mention the mid spring ki*sing festival in girl village (even though you are banned) any delay to the mission could have a big impact

I heard great reviews of the truffle flavour ones so bought a packet. They tasted like the dust produced when you file hard skin from your feet.

61% of women wouldn’t go? Did the pioneer of space flight Katy Perry die for nothing? Shame on you women

Periperi burn

They didn’t ask me. I needed another glass of wine so would have had to delay the launch

I just ran to the downstairs loo and can confirm we are GO for household bleach check. It’s toilet duck btw