I am very jealous that your five-year-old will eat baked ziti. Mine would take one look at this—which looks delicious—and demand chicken nuggets.

The owner of my barbershop, an English guy living in New York, is both a lifelong Hotspur supporter and a Mets fan. He had no choice with Tottenham, but with the Mets, he brought that agony on himself.

Don’t count the Knicks out yet! Count them out when they make it to the next round of the playoffs and choke in spectacular fashion. Signed, A Knicks Fan

I would watch a full hour show that’s just nothing but people beating the shit out of different robots

Who is Gene Hackmanintolittlepieces?

Who is Dwight D. Eisinhaler?

Bobs De Niro and Redford without a doubt

If you’ll allow “little OLD me,” Hook’s Waltz from Peter Pan.

Yeah, it was harsh. But my epileptologist neighbor and I caught up the day after the finale and she was like, “He was maybe a little too rude about it, but Dr. Robbie was 100% right to lay down the law with her.”

The Simpsons - Lionel Hutz Judge Snyder YouTube video by Mostly Simpsons

youtu.be/S7EfwK-_Qug?...

I’ve probably riffed on this line at least once a week for the better part of thirty years.

Who is Penny Bruce?

The only time you’ll ever hear me say “Reagan was right”

I don’t blame him for his drug habit. Addiction is an awful thing that can happen to good people.

But he is not a good person. At all. And for that, I hold him responsible.

*world

RFK Sr.: Spends time in poor Black neighborhoods to better understand a word he’s never lived in, has a moral awakening that leads him to advocate for civil rights

RFK Jr.: Does none of that, is incredibly racist, but hey, he pays tribute to his father by wearing skinny ties

Me in Hebrew school learning about the Holocaust: Man, this is horrifying, I never want this to happen to anyone ever again.

Stephen Miller in Hebrew school learning about the Holocaust: How can I get in on some of that?!

I got to spend a week with Ice on the set of SVU, and let me tell you, he is just as funny in person. Such a real one. I wish we could have kept in touch.

I saw Eddie and Bruce play together live in 2004 and it fucking ruled.

His shows are as much religious experiences as they are concerts.

I got into Lana Del Rey after Bruce called her “one of America’s finest singer-songwriters.”

And he still does! I’ve seen him many times over the course of the last twenty years, and he never brings less than everything he’s got. Brought my mom once: she didn’t care about him one way or another before that, but after that night she totally got it. She’d never seen anything like it.

I’m not from the South, but my love of the B-52s and R.E.M. has been a gateway to knowing a LOT about Athens.

I’m not even Catholic—I’m Jewish—but I grew up with so many Italian-American CCD kids that even I may know more about Catholicism than Vance. At the VERY least, I know not to fuck with the Pope.

I feel you, but keep the faith. My kid is five and the moments I’m proudest of him are when he does something kind for someone else. I’d rather he be that kind of person than a rich man. He may resent me for it one day, but I want him to understand the concept of “I have enough.”

i hope the white house sends vance to campaign for Reform in britain

This time last year, I was in the beautiful city of Budapest listening to locals furtively talk about living under an oppressive government. I am thinking of the joy they must be feeling today. May their joy be ours some day!

I wish I had thought to say “With this ring, I thee… WEB?!” at any of the three weddings I’ve officiated.

What is Ape-omattox, Virginia?

History = a conservative British man
Hebrew = beer for men
Cogent = one of two men working in tandem
Dutiful = when a room is crowded with men

Kim: Three weeks of the war in Iran could have funded vision, hearing, and dental coverage for every senior in America on Medicare. I mean, it just gives you a sense of the trade-off.