Me on a Friday in 1996: *parents order pizza, we rent movies, I drink too much soda.*

Me on a Friday in 2026: *I order the pizza, I play the cozy video rental store simulator, I drink too much vodka.*

a man with a shocked look on his face is standing in front of a group of men with the fx logo on the bottom Alt: a man with a shocked look on his face is standing in front of a group of men with the fx logo on the bottom

I’ve never been one for those “simulator” “cozy” games…but that VHS rental store one has scratched some itch in my brain I didn’t know was there.

"Queen Amidala, I have questions about Naboo independence in your first movie"

"You're cute, what's your name."

*Peter Griffin looking around nervously to try and think of a fake name to tell Natalie Portman so Lois doesn't find out*

This shot is like the final frame of a Kathryn Bigelow movie.

I asked for a raise today from my new bosses and it went like this:

Me: I need a raise.

Bosses: “well, it is kind of tight right now with-“

Me: I make $XX,000 a year

Bosses: *releaizing I’m radically underpaid* “oh shit, oh yeah, let’s change that. Fuck. Why did you keep that to yourself?”

This shit-ass situation has transformed Iran into world power.

Remember when GOP got so fired up about the Obama administration approved a $1.7 billion payment to Iran in 2016?

I sure as fuck do.

BLUESKY IS A WEBSITE THAT TURNS (post by jay.bsky.team claiming that bluesky is made with AI) INTO (picture of bluesky not working)

a cat with a sad look on its face is laying down on a yellow blanket Alt: a cat with a sad look on its face is laying down on a yellow blanket

yay.

Gas prices just dropped 50 cents here. I fucking hate this shit.

a man in a suit is carrying a stack of pizza boxes into a doorway . ALT: a man in a suit is carrying a stack of pizza boxes into a doorway .

Me: Let me just check in on BlueSky.

*Checks BlueSky*

impeccable

"You okay?"

Me: Yeah. Why?

"You just plowed through Dragonlord Placidusax, Bayle the Dread, Radahn Consort of Miquella, Hoarah Loux, the Elden Beast and chose the Frenzied Flame ending in Elden Ring in one sitting!?"

Me: I've had a rough week. Everyone needs to get out of my way.

"You okay?"

Me: Yeah. Why?

"You just plowed through Dragonlord Placidusax, Bayle the Dread, Radahn Consort of Miquella, Hoarah Loux, the Elden Beast and chose the Frenzied Flame ending in Elden Ring in one sitting!?"

Me: I've had a rough week. Everyone needs to get out of my way.

BTW, I've beaten the game 3 times, but this was the night I finally wrapped up all of Shadow of the Erdtree.

Wish I was in the timeline where Elden Ring was more like Bloodborne 2 rather than Dark Souls II 2

I think I'm finally done with Elden Ring. Took 4 fucking years...but I'm done.

Final verdict...eh, it's okay.

Fucking exhausting always feeling like you’re in the wrong.

Me with my emotional support bottle of Ardbeg.

I didn't know they came in "Key Lime"

I bet that felt borderline orgasmic.

good day for resignations

mr president

Leaked video from the yesterday’s mar-a-lago election night watch party ..

That awkward moment when your OS is too enshittified even for French government IT!

“We hear the concerns-" No you don't.

"and respect creativity-" No you don't.

"This merger will greenlight more projects-" No it won't.

"support talent-" No it won't.

"and strengthen competition with 30+ films annually-" No the fuck it won't.

This is like some 12th century shit.

Y'know how insane it is to beef publicly with the Pope?

“You who wish to conquer pain you should learn what makes me kind.”