A challenger approaches

Talking head with the plane being like “I was just feeling a bit random lol”

Eagerly awaiting the episode of Air Crash Investigation where they reveal that the plane was “just being a silly sausage”

Why does the professor, the biggest teacher, not (etc)

“You know, the word that means being nice when you don’t want to be”

I’m on that migraine prodrome brain, just looked for the word “diplomatic” but ended up telling my colleagues that the email I wrote was “very ambassadorial”

I will not be taking questions at this or any time

Me, addressing the class on the first day of human piloting school:

OKAY BOYS, the first thing you gotta know about operating your human vehicle

is to keep the knees LOCKED and HYPEREXTENDED at ALL TIMES

1 Nurse: It’s become a real problem in this area 2 Nurse: We’ve seen the whole community lost to addiction 3 Show a building sign posted: Westminster ‘X’ Addiction Clinic With various Westminster people or looking at their phones outside it Nurse: Ministers, Spads, Researchers… 4 Nurse: Most mornings we’ll get a call about someone acting strangely [Nurse on phone taking a call] Ok - we’ll be right over 5 Nurse: We just have a gentle chat [Nurses approach a minister –Robert Jenrick? - standing in the Palace of Westminster Minister: I understand your concerns… 6 Nurse: Are you OK love? Minister: Yes I’m just hearing legitimate concerns from real voters 7 Nurse: That’s a robot, a Nazi and a poorly-disguised Russian [Show that the people he is talking to are precisely these characters] Nurse 2: Give us your phone, love 8 Nurse: At the clinic we put them in a Grass-Touching Pod, with a real voter to talk to [We see them back at the clinic, holding the minister's head and pushing him into a glass isolation booth with a grass floor. And it is a baffled looking woman, on a chair, ready to talk to him.] 9 Minister: YOU MUST BE WORRIED ABOUT THE COMING CIVIL WAR [woman looks baffled] 10 woman: I just want a bus service Minister: LOOK AT MY FLAG [produces a St George's flag] [ends]

“Gimme that slicey boi”

A story in the parts

A story in three parts

Happy to inform you that she is now spayed and I can sleep though the night without [HORNY NOISES] and [ESCAPE ATTEMPTS]

The fuck kind of noise is this, you horny-ass cat

Putting her bum on her child

Putting her bum on my face and head

Please stop

I’m bad at remembering to post now, but let me tell you that Alice came into heat and a bad time was had by all

“Probably because of all the dead orphans, Katie”

No, I think it must be another, different reason

Why do they call it a mommy makeover and not

Squiggle is the toughest, cutest, wiggliest mofo around - if you have any money to spare, please toss some her way?

Why are the American president's claims about autism the first item on British news bulletins?

He's not our president, the advice doesn't apply here and he's not presented any evidence to support his assertions.

So why spread these claims? What make this the biggest story in the UK?

What if the rapture actually happened ages ago but almost nobody qualified & that’s why there are unsolved missing persons cases

WhatsApp message reading: "I can't believe how nicely they play together!" I thought, moments before Alice bicycle kicked her precious baby in the head

Alice and Dinah snoozing together, all cuddled up and adorable

Alice actively kicking Dinah in the head

The duality of cat motherhood

Discovering computer as an adult makes you go crazy. Discovering computer as a baby makes you go crazy. In all of human history, there will only ever be one generation to discover computer at the correct age: 13

I was 100% expecting to have to do a long explanation of all the ways in which he was a wrong ‘un

and then my dad just started admiring marksmanship

Me: *getting ready to start a whole PowerPoint presentation*
Me: *deep inhale*
Him: yeah 100%
Me: …
Me: well now I don’t know what to do with all the energy I built up here

In today’s heartening news my right-wing boomer dad and I had a conversation about current events where we were in full & vociferous agreement, so there is hope for the offline population

Ehh

Charlie Kirk in his own words: ‘prowling Blacks’ and ‘the great replacement strategy’ The far-right commentator didn’t pull his punches when discussing his bigoted views on current events

Good that the Guardian is calling Kirk “far right” and showings its readers his views - not “common sense”, not “conservative”, but far right conspiracy.

www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...

He also spoke about not believing in empathy & I for one think we should honour the man’s beliefs

idk man if I had just lost my kid to a school shooting and the news cycle was dominated by people loudly mourning the loss of a guy whose life’s work was radicalizing people, largely children, into thinking that’s a cool and normal thing to do while contributing nothing else, I’d probably go insane