Not to boast about myself or anything, but I really am like Marlon Brando; The fat, old version.

Sorry, old men, for my past mockery. I now know what it’s like to have a body like you.

Horny and bored…Borney.

Too sad to jerk it

I can’t believe I just paid someone $16 to jerk off. That’s just economically not feasible.

It finally happened, I got so fucked up I closed my eyes and thought the power went out.

The Weeknd’s “I Feel it Coming” but I’m jerking off on your bike seat at 2 am while you’re asleep

What’s the word for when you want to romantically but aggressively fuck the shit out of someone?

I’m gonna be 10 times more racist on this app, which is still 0% racist cause I was never racist at all B)