If I let you merge in traffic and you don’t do a wave of thanks, I will follow you home and make you cook me a nice pot roast.

Remember to be scared all day so you’re not caught off guard when it happens

might start saying the p in receipt

My soulmate is out there finishing fries that could’ve been shared with me

Becoming a shareholder so I have value

*gives you a pie*

it’s dangerous to go alone take this

🧙‍♂️

🗡️

Happy 8:53 to those that celebrate.

who up catastrophizing

push notifications but it’s just my IBS

[them] this made me think of you!
[me] marry me

Do you think I made big enough of a bagel sandwich?

Sure, be yourself if you don’t have any better options.

Life is hard but I’m harder

Just trying to go on a walk and this street sign is mocking me

Within 10 minutes of me talking about how happy I was that my rent didn’t go up this year, I got the rent raise email 🙃🙃

Happy Valentines Day you’re all my valentine 💌 💘

I know I can sing because my cat comes out from hiding everytime I start singing

Large black bear with emoji hands 👉👈

After i send a problematic DM

crash out thursday

I wonder if my neighbors can heard me listening to my own audio messages over and over again after I send them

It’s my birthdaaaay 🎂🎉

Isn’t everything a learning experience?

surprise sandwiches are top tier

as a bit, I pretend your yearn posts are about me

this baked potato better fix me

I'm probably gonna take this lying down though, if possible

end it with me.

no, like save me for last

Birthday trip to the snow ❄️

Who up bobbing they burger