Inf Owars!

Hey everybody! I am taking the helm of this classic American institution with @theonion.com and want to know what you fine folks would like to see from us.

https://www.theonion.info/

Btw, the new logo is *chef’s kiss

they’re turning the fonts gay

The onion has won the info wars.

"IT'S A TARP!"

-- Sales Associate Akbar in the camping section of Dick's Sporting Goods

hey i’m thinking of getting into crime does anyone know if the FBI director is blacked out currently

i would be the Elmo of mangling vegetarian carpetbaggers

we hotbox salvia in this web zone

I usually try to explain it like this: picture George Santos as the Rizzler. Now imagine they're Cornish. Doesn't look so much like Jerry getting a blue check was caused by bog trolls using the bat-computer now, does it?

Mmmm....delicious slab and mashed brown with a side of blanched orange chunks

If I see you like a post I made a month ago I know you’re stalking my account. And I appreciate it.

tried to say “that sucks,” but my brain insisted on “that stinks,”, and so somehow what came out was “that’s sex”

President, Extremely Normal Brain-Wise: Pope Weak on Crime, Also I’m Dr. Jesus Christ

A+ headline.

defector.com/president-ex...

Holy shit, this is amazing.

Arby's. The meat's not locked in here with us, were locked in here with the meats. help.

These are my emotional support horse tranquilizers

"As we all know, the natural habitat for the Earth is actually water."

Revived?? HAS *REVIVED* THE "DEBATE" !?
We've been "DEBATING" about for 10 GODDAMN YEARS!

Hey whoever runs this account for Rep. Himes: tell your boss that we don't support him wanting to add AI surveillance to FISA. We already live in a dystopian-enough society as it is; don't make it worse by adding AI to it.

Straight up dystopian hellworld

JD Vance doing diplomacy:

jd vance at the donut shop saying “just whatever makes sense”

jd vance negotiating with Iran

Guy punting one gun at someone else and one gun at his own head

Feels more like this

In Bruges scene where Colin Farrell is pointing a gun at his head and Brendon Gleeson is also pointing a gun at Colin Farrell's head

Current status of the Strait of Hormuz dispute

bsky.app/profile/pwns...

"Tronald Dump," he said, as he smiled quietly to himself.

Image consists of Calvinist Jesus peeing.