Michael B. Jordan already did two roles in Sinners, so he should play both Crown and the insurance adjuster.

the penne opticon

Inspired by a real 20 minutes lost in the bowels

Wacker? Hardly Lower!

Wowwwww that’s so cool though!!!!!

Hahahaha how quickly i forget

Oh right i had caffeine so THAT’S why

did my taxes, everything's fine, it's fine, we're all fine, i'm NOT being chased by a bear, in fact everything is actually fine (I'm told) (researchers report) (as the scripture says)

genuinely pretty funny (and deranged) to "facebook poke" the person divorcing you at 1am

i don’t want my appliances to be smart or connect to the internet. i want them to do one mechanical task for 100 years

For sale: baby jetpack. Worn once

Cite the deep magic to me, witch. I was there when it was written and I think it’s important to credit our sources.

Hellraiser. It would be in the vein of Sondheim's Sweeney Todd, an operatic and serious approach but also just a little bit arch

The use of “hallucinate” is a stroke of true evil genius in the AI world.

In ANY other context we’d just call them errors & the fail rate would be crystal clear.

Instead, “hallucinate” implies genuine sentience & the *absence* of real error.

Aw, this software isn’t shit! Boo’s just dreaming!

I just saw my first Tati film and i loved it so much, i can’t wait to watch more

Getting off the dating apps means i now spend 45 min online trying to find out if a person I’m crushing on even dates people like me bc they are so ambiguous

an unfurnished parlor called the blubber-room

[throws copy of Robert Graves classic 1934 novel "I Claudius" in the trash] This shit writer should've known that I am not Claudius

I Work Very Hard, And I Would Like To Try Cake By A Horse Hello. I am a horse. I work very hard at my job of being a horse. When humans say move the heavy thing, I move the heavy thing. When humans sit on top of me and pull on my head, I carry them where they want to go. The main food the humans give me is hay and oats. But I am thinking it would be nice to have a different food. I am thinking I would like to try cake. Yes, yes. Cake. I know all about it. When humans eat cake, it is in glad times. It is the food for a celebration, such as when a woman becomes 47. I have seen cake on the Fourth of July. When humans have a cake, they stand around it and clap hands and smile and say happy birthday at each other. Sometimes there are beautiful markings on a cake, such as balloons or a pink shape. Sometimes the top of a cake is on fire and a boy must blow on the fire with mouth wind. This is the scariest cake. I do not want this kind. But I will eat any other cake. Any cake that is not the fire cake that tries to kill the boy. Please understand: I do not get money for doing work. I do not get to go inside the house. All I am either doing my horse job or standing in my pen or eating food off the floor. I always do these things. But I have never once gotten cake and I would like it very much. I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children. I am more helpful to the farm. Children do not move the heavy things like me or let anyone ride on them. And yet they get cake. Maybe the humans will realize this. Maybe they will say, "You know who deserves cake? That horse. That horse whose back we are always on." Every day I dream about what it will be like if I get to eat cake. Here is what will happen. First, I will walk to the cake and putt my nose at it like hrrfff to make and stomping my hooves to make sure it is not a snake. Then I will trot in a circle to show that I am a horse and I am large. After that, I will nuzzle the cake to …

The horse op-ed is an instant classic. I can't tell you how much joy this piece gives me.

It should be taught in every introductory writing class in no small part because the horse arguments are so compelling. "I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children."

Maladaptive pattern: Microsoft Outlook is giving me trouble -> I hate this useless piece of shit software -> Depression After cognitive restructuring: Microsoft Outlook is giving me trouble -> Wow... I'm just like a real life astronaut -> No depression

whether you like HP is not really a relevant question. are you going to let it represent blithe childhood nostalgia in the public sphere, when that lets its author maintain her authority over what’s best for kids? or are you going to disrupt that?

It’s Time To Grow Up | Defector HBO’s new Harry Potter TV series is premiering this Christmas Day. Under current plans, it will last at least a decade. The trailer looks like the original films were run through an AI generator, but ...

“It is beneath my dignity to let myself be run over by any trolley, and particularly this trolley, burdened as it is by a cape and a stupid hat.”

I wrote for Defector about boycotting Harry Potter, the ‘safe’, kindly face of anti-trans politics:

defector.com/its-time-to-...

"What you feel in your heart towards the series is almost entirely irrelevant. What matters is what you do, because J. K. Rowling is out there doing a lot of things...Nothing is adequate to the situation except the truth. There is no way to watch the new Harry Potter show subversively"

the meme from the barbie movie where everyone's dancing and she asks if they ever think about dying, but it's been changed to be user retention, onboarding, and demographic growth metrics

“TELL ME ABOUT DESPAIR, YOURS, AND I WILL TELL YOU MINE!”

I’ll go there next time I’m having a breakdown

Hair Shirt, poems by Adrian Sobol — Malarkey Published April 1, 2025 Get a free sample here HAIR SHIRT, Adrian Sobol’s second full-length poetry collection, continues his particular take on poetry. Filled with trademark black humor and...

There's no ethical consumption under capitalism. Except for buying HAIR SHIRT. I talked to Karl. He said that one's cool.

2026 louis ck

DR. ALAN GRANT: You bred raptors?
LOUIS C.K.: well actually i jerked off in front of them

Made me laugh so much when you were like “not to be all youth pastor about it, but my first job is a dad” …. and then you leapt up from your backwards chair and started doing a DC Talk verse!!!!!!

Invited @thecorlew.bsky.social to talk to my SAIC class about writing and got the word of the lord delivered to my soul when he said (of having a corporate job) “learn something there and apply it to your art, otherwise you’re just generating shareholder value”