Im not saying there are any 'good' billionaires out there. But have we even TRIED killing their parents in front of them in an alley behind a theatre yet???

Bet Gianni Infantino is feeling pretty silly right now

Lots of people attacking Woody Allen for all of these photos of him on Epstein's Island, but NO ONE is pointing out the fact that he didn't even know Epstein as a child, they only met as adults

Forgot it was Bonfire Night tonight, which my immigration lawyer just told me is the ONE thing I wasn't supposed to do here 🤦

me seeing Liverpool lose 6 games out of 7: "hehehe nice 🤷"

me seeing the 6-7 meme: "Wow. We have truly reached the nadir of human civilization. Gen alpha are so desperate for human connection and shared cultural experience that they make memes about literally *nothing* just so people can feel a sense of belonging in an increasingly lonely and scary world-"

Sure, I may feel like I'm less of a "grown up" than my parents were at my age, but you also **have** to remember that Deliveroo and Kpop Demon Hunters didn't exist back then

Glad that Disney backtracked on the whole Kimmel thing.

Had been hearing some pretty concerning rumours that they were going to double-down and kill Goofy off next for his (admittedly pretty radical) views on Palestine.

Not as great as it used to be I guess

Daniel Levy has the chance to do the funniest thing today

You: spend thousands on therapy and self-help in order to be more productive and feel better about yourself

Me: add the words "in this economy" to every sentence to completely absolve myself of any personal responsibility

Catching up on Traitors and honestly, they should all be murdered for not voting for Linda after her stirring performance as "6 year old trying to guilt her parents into taking her to Butlins"

Every time someone on I'm A Celebrity says "I just have to remember why I'm doing this", I picture them rocking back and forth in the fetal position whispering "my agent told me to" over and over

Gladiator 2 is what happens when Hollywood runs out of ideas that aren't "we should make Gladiator 2"

I bought a teppanyaki grill to do at-home korean BBQ and that's basically the main thing I'm gonna remember happening in November 2024

My dear friend and fellow comedian @alexkitson.bsky.social has put together this lovely list of UK comedian accounts that everyone should know and follow, so be a cool person that people respect and go follow them all!!! (but mainly me)

#ukcomedy #britishcomedy #standup #comedy

So many new social media platforms now yet not ONE let's me publicly and brutally rank my Top 16 friends 😭