Horseradish mustard on a grilled cheese is a fucking game changer.

I contracted Covid as the worst consolation prize for vacationing with my family.

Icing on the cake is the amount of relatives and apparently my own friends who suggest I should get some antibiotics.

Ah yes, and ivermectin as a chaser, right?

“Everything will turn out right, the world is built on that.”

I’m not much to look at.

But I got cool protest posters…

I’m fairly certain the cracker in question didn’t have any cheese to slide off it to begin with…

Truth is certainly stranger than fiction…

Certainly somethin.

It has absolutely fucked me up btw. Mostly because, well, we vehemently hated each other. Real bad blood.

And yet, when the devil shows up on your doorstep, sometimes you gotta remember what Goethe said…

“Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as true strength.”

We absolutely have a mental health crisis in this country.

I got one of “those” calls. The ones people promise they’ll make before control alt deleting themselves. From someone I detested. But I answered. Confused as fuck I answered.

Check on your friends AND your enemies.

Tank vs Tesla "We've crushed fascism before and we'll crush it again" -WW2 veteran Ken, 98, in the tank

Tank vs Tesla

"We've crushed fascism before and we'll crush it again" -WW2 veteran Ken, 98, in the tank

www.badchoices.us/p/tank-vs-te...

DOGE is now descending upon the Defense Department. One proposed cost-saving measure is to close or consolidate dozens of U.S. military bases.

Ah yes, there it is. *A* body of Christ.

Also acceptable alternatives:

- Chicago Beef

- Deep Dish Pizza

Now that the pope is from Chicago, Malort should be considered holy water.

Hear me out, “My Lord” sounds a whole like the name of this fiendish aperitif…

Just sayin’.

Laura Loomer tweets: WOKE MARXIST POPE

my vet, who's hard of hearing: can you repeat your cat's name

me:

The worst people in the world are mad.

It’s a vibe and a lifestyle.

It’s disrespectful to call them kids. They’re altar boys.

What fucking idiot judge fucking allowed this?!?

Outfits will become skimpier until morale improves…

When I think “private island in San Francisco” I definitely think “cost savings”

Idk. We had a whole “man vs bear” debate in which a majority of women chose Smokey.

I chose “man”. But that’s because I took four years of anatomy, and well…

Like Sun Tzu said:

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.”

So…

So much for cleaning house…

Turns out today is “corpse” Monday after all, except we’re decomposing as a family.

It’s what Dad would’ve wanted.

Y’all yeeted tea into big water over tariffs.

Can we commence with the “yeeting”? Like, soon.

“Fancy dinner” they said.

“To the 9’s” they said.

“Do you even OWN a dress?”

Bitch, listen…I’m about to go from Gremlin to “Woah”. Now shut up before I stab myself in the eye trying to get this eyeliner on…

If you have to repeatedly tell everyone around you that you are:

“A Nice Person” TM

You’re probably not tho…

“Real G’s move in silence like lasagna”. Just. Sayin’…

U.S. Denies Picking Bombing Targets From Random Twitter Accounts An anonymous OSINT sleuth mis-identified a quarry as an underground Houthi base. Days later, the Pentagon allegedly struck the site and killed eight people.

this is where we're at www.404media.co/u-s-denies-p...

Stop being nice. Be nice to nice people. Motherf*ck the rest of them…every waking moment.

🇺🇸 GOV. WES MOORE: “Loving your country does not mean diminishing those who helped make our country so powerful and so unique in world history in the first place.”

@govwesmoore.bsky.social stands up for immigration and the diversity of the American “mosaic” — and against erasing history.