I just think everyone who has decided they don’t like me should take a moment and change their minds

I feel like if we could just stop Iran from reading the New York Times, we’d get the upper hand

We all cling to those 3 or 4 people who are too hot to have hooked up with us on instagram a bit too much

Alright fire island in a few weeks. Time to start doing leg day again.

I’m incapable of being mysterious

The first episode of ER is WILD

Pitt not Putt

The Putt written and directed by Albert Camus

not really any paintings of Jesus waking up in the tomb. which makes sense to me but imagine one where he’s like stretching

Heelys guy died

I’m the new head of product at All Birds!!

Michelle Pfiffer looks like WHAT

Only the New York Times could make taking drugs boring

What is your favorite skincare product

Ummmmm you shouldn’t be naked around your friends that’s wrong and bad

Any other deeply personal questions you want to ask?

A smol surgery

Sorry :(

My balls still hurt!!’

No calorie count on the pesto bismol bottle

No one knows how to LAND a line

I might be very high but I’m so convicted I would be a better actor than all the actors

I will stop any time I see the SpongeBob big guy video

Wow tiger woods is really bad at drunk driving

Wait the ryan murphy show is about models exploding?

I want to see the meanest google doc comment ever

Do any of you use peptides? DM me

Much to think about