Wait, there was a THIRD Harold & Kumar movie?

BILLIONAIRE: Are you sure this is Silicon Valley's new AI-powered jumbo cigar clipper?

ME: Yep. Just put your head through that hole.

As a beef boy I approve this message.

Well today's 6am alarm is certainly serving up a big ol' portion of fuck this noise.

I'm willing to take that risk for the guaranteed reward 🫠

It's a…hard job, but somebody's got to do it 👀

normalize walking into the sea after the slightest inconvenience

Ok we'll need to verify that. And I will selflessly offer myself up as the test subject.

I had this exact kind of day today. Everything after about 10:30am was a complete write-off unless any of my bosses somehow follow me here in which case I was extremely productive all day.

Amy.

why not three testicles tho, maybe i wanna juggle while i’m down there doing mouth stuff

Noooo 😭

It certainly wouldn't make it worse 😄

I need to see Alex Jones' reaction to today's big news. I need to see what shade of red he is.

Read that in the cookie monster voice. You're welcome.

Oh I've been there with that feeling a whole bunch of times. Hopefully it's not as bad as it feels, and starts improving all the same 🫂

Sorry, that was uncalled for 😞

What are any of us doing my dude?

The astronaut Katy Perry??

*slides straight out the other side of your DMs somehow, crashes into a dumpster which promptly bursts into flames*

*slides into your DMs on a trail of my own drool*

Can't wait for the very normal replies you will definitely get to this skeet.

❤️🫥

I'm on my way 🫂

Extra absorbent? 🥺

The best part about this is nobody knows if it's a shitpost or not…

Taking time out of my busy schedule to practice self care (crying at my desk)

It's probably fine.

Can't tell if life event or Sufjan Stevens song title

I've never even heard of it