i had a gross dream about a friend last night and now i feel like shit

she has what i presume to be GAD and it impacts her quite severely so i hope shes able to get a psych eval. and selfishly im really hoping for one too cause im on snris with no official diagnosis and i'd really like to be prescribed something else

my sister's therapist is directing her to a psychiatrist and my sister seemed like she was ok with it and wanted it but she was like "i wish she didn't have to coordinate with mom and dad cause they're weird about that stuff" man. shes not even wrong but i feel bad for her

i guess my thing is that the older i get the more unavoidable it gets. eventually there's not going to be any plausible deniability and people will have to know and im scared of losing those people

^ i guess i get a sense of security if im staying the same. people won't think as badly of me, i won't have to worry about my family, etc.
i think my biggest worry is losing this "i can cope, i can get by as a woman just fine" crutch and realizing yeah no i cant do this anymore

theres a part of me thats hoping that despite everything i am cis and have been sorely mistaken about myself for the past 6 years
the way i view how i present right now is "just fine," i don't want to ruin it and start viewing it as something terrible if i get a taste of smth "better"

my greatest fear when i go to college is that when i finally get the guts to tell people abt my gender i'll like it too much and be unable to go back to larping as cis

is your work ethic fucked or is it "it took me three months to write a 500 word essay because i dont have the motivation" fucked. pls save me

i mean sometimes it's bad and sometimes it's "i genuinely do not think i can bring myself to leave my bed or go outside" bad but this shit never really does go away for me

honestly if this keeps up for another three months i think i might genuinely meet the criteria for persistent depressive disorder fml

a drawing of a girl with a crown on her head in a picture frame ALT: a drawing of a girl with a crown on her head in a picture frame

living millenium!!

noo, it looks nice... i really like it

the picture frame reminds me a bit of an iyowa song i like

OH MY GOD?? THIS IS GENUINELY GORGEOUS THO?? THANK YOU SO MUCH AAAA 🥹🥹🥹

i wish i were excited about all the moon stuff but i really dont feel anything. i used to be so interested in outer space as a kid... what happened...

whenever im remotely vulnerable and someone doesnt respond i want to hide back in my figurative shell and shrivel up into a ball and take back everything i said cause i feel so badly scrutinized

there are two sides of my brain. one says if im not actively suffering at all times i cant be mentally ill or autistic or trans or whatever im having imposter syndrome about. the other thinks that any ounce of suffering is too painful and i should just die. i don't care for either side much

interrogations this trial have either been really bad or total nothingburgers and honestly i would be super grateful if it was a nothingburger. i have no faith tho considering how yuno's went

it's kazui interrogation time and i swear to god if they choose the worst most invasive questions esp considering that line in the report i am going to lose it

i cant bring myself to hate her but im just. rlly rlly disgusted

"trans people are misguided. god designed the body and soul to be perfectly aligned, so as religious people, our job is to encourage them not to be confused about themselves" while saying trans people will kill themselves and become depressed if they go on blockers. with a noose in the background

i need to stop giving people so many chances. someone could say the vilest shit about me (indirectly) in front of my class and i'd still be like "well... i don't know... maybe they deserve another chance"

im@s is a bit of a guilty pleasure, i hate so many things about it but at the end of the day i really can't help but find it enjoyable. i hope more people look into it ^ ^

i mean it's incredibly obvious that im@s is targeted at straight guys and i knew it had its dedicated sect of guys who scream "you're a tourist!! i hate localization!!" at everyone who has an iota of interest in the franchise but holy shit i didn't think it would be this bad

it's so fucking annoying hearing Those kinds of people (anti-localizer chud weeaboo cishet guys) go "you're a tourist!" to really dedicated fans of the series who don't act insufferable + happen to like yuri or yaoi. i bet 95% of the "tourist!" crowd only knows the characters from 18+ doujins anyway

so im@s is trying to expand to global audiences after more than 20 years, which i think is really fucking stupid for a multitude of reasons (the franchise is in shambles... bro...) but i think the one thing i hate most about the official en account is the people it attracted

i mean part of why i've been slacking is cause i've been focusing on the language that's more important to me (spanish) but it hasn't really been going well cause my school's spanish curriculum past sophomore year is a JOKE if youre a heritage speaker

i should really start studying japanese again... i might be visiting in a year and a half or so for a graduation trip but my japanese is insanely rusty

...is that seriously going to become my most liked post

i think i underestimated how many teachers use this site. i did not expect some random offhand post i made complaining about the shithole that is my school to get so much traction