I miss them.

God crying so hard and barely feeling relief.
It's been two years but sometimes the truth that I held my last two cats as they died haunts me. Probably always will.

Made so many Error-tied necklaces. Have had two sales toral.
Me and putting so many eggs in one basket again.

Spent almost a hundred dollars for the server tag. Felt really cool getting everyone on board! Made feel like community!

Then, well, OV isn't as important to others as I thought.

They're allowed to! I set my goals too high, considering.

Still hurts though.

Ugh, ok private enough. Denko, great art Denko. I thought we had a friendly and distant relationship.

*sigh* friendship hard..

Ngh... How to rekindle a friendship that got broken a couple years ago.
I had thought they were a friend, an encouraging one even.

Then I fucked it all up.

Pretty sure there's been no communications since my banishment.

Exhausted crying is a terrible way to get to sleep, but it's all that works when I get to this state.

My coworker said I'm the most positive, chipper person he's met. And.
I try? But when I break at night, I break hard.

But i have to stop ugly scream crying at night about it. I hate being pushy. I hate being rude. I hate not being friendly enough, or too friendly.

And I've been socially doubting myself. Trying to tell myself that folks just need their time and space and I have to stop trying to get what I want.

Im so scared of being a bad friend again.

Maybe it's just human brain stuff. I need to chill.

I thought I was going ok, getting artfight ready, had my grief meltdown last night.

And it's hitting me again.