I guess not...?

But would I recognize someone dressed as one?

Everyone must be over ten years old

I was always salty that an author I liked enough to buy the hardcover put more material in the paperback. But now that I have books and such, any opportunity to get an audience's attention that isn't ai or similarly evil in a post twitter world seems like goals to me

There's a PT Barnum born every minute.

I finished a set at the gym today and the two people at the machine next to mine cheered about it and it was all so wholesome that I'm here telling you about it

if you don't disclose that a menu item has cilantro, go to hell.

Have you had Big City Reds? All time!

If my car were sentient, it would be completely WITHERED right now from the mock job I just did if it, impression-wise

You know how a samurai cannot sheathe their blade until it draws blood? Is it something like that? RFK can't park until he escalates in intensity with road kill

Yeah okay. Go ahead and teach a man to fish. Can you imagine? Where is this magical, willing to learn, man with so much free time on his hands? You'd have better luck teaching a fish to fish.

Do you think the inside look will feature juicy behind the scenes details like whose finger pushed which button to make this movie? Will we get to know the hand? How deep inside will this look be? And will *it* be AI generated?

If you're fantasy casting contestants for an America Taskmaster and don't have Eddie Pepitone in your roster, you don't know ball

Wasn't their whole stupid deal that the Antichrist would bring about their apocalypse by doing exactly this stuff? Wasn't exactly this why they backed him? Shouldn't they be all rah rah rah? Why are they clutching their rosaries about it?

Is that Justin Long? Whereas a Brian Cox/Adam Devine type is Bryan Cranston

No offense none taken but if you do an intellectual podcast that is a rigorously moral deep dive that shines light on stuff that deserves understanding, maybe learn not to say "very unique" as it undermines your whole thing bro

If you're doing a podcast during now times, not a rap from the golden age of hip hop, you needn't do a little skit at the top.

Why is the garbage truck so mad at garbage cans?

Chuck Schumer just called me. I guess I'm supposed to impeach Trump?! Like. Okay I guess. You crazy for this one Schooms!

We did it Chuck.

Just in case the world starts ending today, I want to make sure I'm on record about that

If your podcast host introduces a guest and instead of the guest, it's an ad, your podcast should not be eligible for any awards

Now what should I do, Chuck Schumer?

And written on the blade is "obviously the 25th amendment is about an incapacitated executive and impeachment is closer to (continued on other blade)"

If you want a robot to help you write, you don't get what writing is for or about or why it's beautiful. And no robot can tell you.

It'd be funny if one of them were named "25th amendment"

The secret to men's style seems to be "be Paul Newman."

At a certain point guillotines are probably like "what are we even for?"
And that's not fair to them, you guys!

What would your life have to be like right now for you to care what Tiger Woods is doing?