Waiting for the other shoe to drop like the goddamn sword of damagedies

The pills were REALLY good though

Happy fucken birthday to me indeed. What's next? I can probably guess. Life eh.

@grogsgamut.bsky.social apropos of nothing in particular, your work reminds me of Ross Gittins in the best way possible please take this as the huge compliment it's intended!!

Got free drugs last night and all I had to do was get s*xually ass*ulted for it :/

You know I got a secret

Found a soul mate; lock it in Eddie

The posts I made before this, clearly my brain had just hit breaking point and some self protective mechanism took over. I know the signs to look out for now and I'll take the steps needed if it happens again but my oncologist is in tomorrow so I'll be going in 8am to demand admission (still v sick)

I've had enough high dose ket infusions to know that's what was happening in essence, right down to the ket walk. It wasn't til i got home to a familiar environment that I came back to myself. I still understood music and I think that kept me anchored enough to not go away entirely

Everything was fragmented and slipping. Glossolalia. Couldn't understand anything people around me were saying it was sounds but not words. I bought food and it was like eating with someone else's mouth. I took a phone call but it all sounded like static. I wasn't scared. I wasn't really there

Apparently after this I had a really intense dissociative episode. I remember sending some texts to a friend. Then I was on a train. Found myself in the city. Couldn't feel my body, gravity was twisting me. Forgot my cat's name. Knew I was sick but couldn't remember why. Felt like I was dreaming

I have been teetering on the edge of complete mental breakdown for a long time and the bad things just keep coming and they don't stop coming and I can't take much more. I'm a strong independent person but right now I'm beyond broken and trying not to think about going for a Jeff Buckley special

People redact themselves from the psychological torture this causes because unless you've experienced it you can't understand how terrible it is and it just makes you look insane, doctors dismiss you as it's all in your head but tell that to my shredded gut lining, ruined skin and destroyed enamel

My mental health has been destroyed from dealing with severe MCAS issues (ping @asherwolf.bsky.social ) for which I've been on high dose prednisone (>1mg/kg) as until I start chemo its the only thing even remotely keeping it in check. I can't even eat some days my mouth is so blistered and painful

169cm and 44kg, I am literally dying I'm terrified of just how far this is going to go before I simply drop dead

169cm and 44kg, I am literally dying I'm terrified of just how far this is going to go before I simply drop dead

169cm and 44kg, I am literally dying I'm terrified of just how far this is going to go before I simply drop dead

I see happy people and I just wish them nothing but misery because I am dead inside. I have nothing left to give. Literally. Trigger warning for these pictures but they tell you just how fucking dire my situation is - I was 44kg the other day and was hospitalised for respiratory syncytial virus.

I keep seeing posters around for Marxism Summer School and it's like no thanks I already know how to not read Das Kapital vol 2

Size 22 high rise skinny jeans lmao they won't stay up properly without a belt

I was right on the first two which I was sure about, the third was just an outside concern

Likely cartilage injury and rib fracture but now with possible pleurisy - I've had it before and holy fuck does it ever hurt. Pray for mojo

Off to the fucking emergence department AGAIN after a heavy fall onto a wastebasket next to the bed 5-6 days ago has caused pain increasing daily and now I can't stand up straight because of the insane muscle tension, full exhalation hurts like hell and coughing is a solid 8/10 on the pain scale

I'm 46kg according to the scales. BMi just over 16. Size 6 clothing is too large for me now. My mental health is completely shot and I've been hitting the booze to cope. Something's gotta give out soon

Lol this is an XS. I don't even know how much (little) I weigh now but it's gotta be less than 47kg and I'm 169cm - got to a max of 172cm from spine relaxing out after being confined to bed for a couple of weeks in hospital one time, the physio measured me. Anyway that's a spicy BMI :/

OK having done some REALLY fucking in depth musical, literary and philosophical analysis of a huge array of people it's like, raise your hand if you DON'T have BPD or autism lmao

I don't think I can hold all this much longer. It's too much for one person to have to deal with all this. My whole life has just been a series of steadily worse things happening to me. What's next?

The flip side of this? As if I needed more terrible things happening? The day I get admitted - it will be the last time I see Chomsky. My baby. My angel. Without the thyroid medication and arthritis shots (which I now can't afford bc I'm using PHI to expedite things), she won't outlive my stay there

Am going to be admitted to The Austin real soon to get things started. I'm going to be in for MONTHS. Silver lining though, they do ketamine infusions there and it will be very easy to argue it's necessary for my recovery. And oh man, doing chemo, they're gonna give me SO MUCH WEED about it

I don't use it much but it's so way nicer than the twitter experience now

Also fucking incredible display name btw

Hey I think we were? I'm following anyway

Ice cold Diet Coke from a can or glass bottle is the superior sugar free carbonated beverage haters don't get it they're not on our level