If I were packages stuck in Swindon for a day or 2 I'd disappear as well.

When you use Royal Mail, next day delivery is NEVER guaranteed! We guarantee it!

Clearly a mistake, he must have been trying to get rid of your packages and mistakenly delivered it. Won't happen again!

Hi Eva, real person here! Unfortunately this isn't the real Royal Mail account, it's a parody. Sad display when a parody is more responsive than the real thing.

The "real" Royal Mail is too busy hollowing out its own corpse to bother helping any of us filthy peons.

I remember the chafed nipples from those terrible shirts all too well.

You can tell I'm a parody account because I actually responded to your post

Quick reminder that this is a parody account and complaining to me isn't going to get your packages delivered faster.
Now that I think about it, complaining to the real Royal Mail won't do anything of substance so crack on.

Are you sure you used Royal Mail? We don't normally manage to deliver within the first month so count yourself lucky.

Hang up and call someone who gives a shit because Royal Mail does not.

Hi I issued this instruction because I thought it was funny
Teehee whoopsie

Probably would've been better driving the distance to pick it up in the middle of a shift ;)

Wouldn't wanna fight you Ian don't worry, moreso aimed at the higher ups than anything else ✌️

Your package belongs to me now

Two things are bugging me right now
1. Why can't people read that this is a parody account?

2. You're complaining because you need to register for a service to use said service? I hate royal mail as much as the next person but you're very clearly just a cunt

I think Royal Mail are a bunch of wankers to be honest.

As someone who previously worked within a Royal Mail Depot.
Delivery drivers are known to steal packages with obvious branding e.g Apple as their internal investigations tend to fall short of identifying anyone.

Just a friendly reminder that:

Royal Mail could not give less of a shit about you, your mail or the services they provide you.
1/3 of royal mail first class mail isn't delivered on time. Use ANY other service and your post might actually arrive.

Arguably a mercy not gonna lie

Royal Mail is a big enough joke without my help

Give it a few months and you won't be able to post internationally without a license

i could probably win in a boxing match versus any royal mail employee

The real royal mail wouldn't dare show their face here, cowards.
I'm the stronger Royal Mail in every regard.

Sounds like an issue with your devices CPU overheating Mike! We'd recommend placing it in a bowl of water for 5 minutes to cool it down.

We don't give a single shit about your parcel, sorry not sorry.

Happens way more often than you'd think :)

Have you considered that maybe our drivers have better things to do than their jobs? People are so selfish these days.

Honestly it is absolutely disgraceful that a company with a history as decorated as the Royal Mail is treating both the public and their own employees like dirt. Is your daughter part of a union or able to contact a union representative? This might be something she can contest

Heard you loud and clear, we will be terminating your daughter without pay! No more problems after that, right Kate?

We like to keep our replies as true to the real Royal Mail's level of service as possible!