My big dawg and I are gonna quit drinking ❤️

I miss him so much. He's my everything.

I miss him and I miss everything about him... did I give him any indication that I didn't? Is it because of my tone? My resting bitch face? He's literally... it's my fault...

It's me, right? I think I'm the one thats too clingy or too... worried. But if I worry about it now... if I showed that I'm concerned, won't it overshadow what he's feeling? Do I just... let it build up? Maybe it's me.

I don't want to be misinterpreted, but I'm sure that if I put my mind to it, everything will be alright. I just... never had anyone doubt me before especially when I casted my worries into the wind and allowed fate to just take over.

I'm sure everything is fine.

then afterwards i want cuddles and he has to give them to me bc im needy

I get to see my boyfriend again soon on his home turf with no work from either of us and I'm just... I'm so excited that I get to tackle his ass this time the ground gonna be soft my shoulders have never been so STRONG IN MY ENTIRE LIFE HE WILL HAVE HIS SPINE HIT THE GRASS I PROMISE YOU THAT

LDR good because you get the healthy mix of yearning for one person and also being independent and figuring yourself out. I definitely needed this.

If I give that future any value, then the roulette will hit it and I swear I'm doing okay. I'm doing okay, I swear. I promise. So please lower the percentage. I trust him. He trusts me. He had a future that included me. He had a plan that included me. I'm included. I'm thought of, I'm loved.

Besides, why would he stay with me? He's long distance, so he can leave me at any moment. He can forget me at any moment. He can just walk away and never tell me what I messed up at. He can disagree with my forever and pull away. He can just leave. And he hasn't. And there is no "yet", because

But I genuinely miss hearing his laugh. It's only been a little bit but I'm clinging onto the last time I heard him laugh. But I'm not going to be abandoned, its only for a bit. I know it's gonna be for a bit. And when he sees that I'm okay, then things will be okay.

physical touch to comfort me. I might be healing?

Being LDR is uncomfortable in the right ways tbh. Like, I miss him so damn much, and I don't have the liberty of just rolling over and kissing him; however I just love the freeness I have? That I can sit in my uncomfortable feelings and insecurities and learn how to confront them without relying on

seeing a pokémon fan get cooked online for an opinion you agree with (games prior to universal exp share often make keeping a six-pokémon team caught up to the level curve annoying and tedious)

"are you okay?"
>:c
"are you still upset but don't know where to redirect the anger?"
:c
"wanna take that out on some clash royale?"
c:<
"that's my girl, load her up"

i got really angry at my mans because i misinterpreted his intentions on something and i was already like raising my voice and yelling and he clarified so i got all silent cuz i knew i was in the wrong and his perfect ass goes

there's still no one to talk to about this, though. i put everyone around me through so much already.

my ex told me that i've been actively causing him harm publicly, privately, and even to those who were not involved.

it's unfortunate that i spent good money ($10) to get my diary with the gilded pages and then... i'm back to venting on bsky because i left that bitch at my parents'

a small thing that made me feel better was trying to stop myself from saying "my stupid chud life"

what the fuck is a chud

this doesn't stop the thoughts from happening, and it makes you wonder if anyone will actually miss you.

I don't think so tbh. I keep fucking up everything in my stupid life, right?

Still 11ft above where I wanna be rn. Fkn twt is giving me a sign rn.

Just wanted everyone to know that me and him fit just fine on a twin bed. Which means every time the rat slept with me, he was pushing me off the bed LMAO

I truly do love whatever the fuck is wrong with my boyfriend

I DIDN'T HAVE TO DELETE MY POSTS ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND? AGAIN, HE FOUND THEM CUTE? I love whatever is wrong with him. That's my baby. That's my good boy. Holy shit I was worried about semi-nothing PHEW.

anyway, back to the normal programming, does anyone know how to write documentation about tech stacks and whatnot?

WE FIND SOLUTIONS IN THIS HOUSEHOLD (the more sensitive, intimate shit is in a journal that I don't even have attuned security with anymore. thank you, rat, for using my diary to justify you being such a dead weight in my life. my bad for wanting more for myself.

chat i'm cooked he found the bsky acc now im never gonna hear the end of it

And also spiraled to him being like "I burnt so many bridges with what I've done, he's just gonna keep talking shit about me, etc." and he goes "babe, you know you're in the wrong here. Your actions have consequences. You cant be a Disney villain and cry about why shits not going well for you"

Every time he hits me with the "magandang diyosa" I MELT BRO U CANNOT BE REAL

told him about my exes friends reaching out to get some clarity and my chest started exploding. messaged my fellow psych patient that I wanted to self-harm in that moment but gave no context and I love that she went along with it because it grossed me out LOL