I'm hard-pressed to think of a YouTube video title that would get me to click a link harder or faster than "Dad reacts to Sopranos ending"

Sometimes when I change my son’s diaper he locks eyes with me and slaps his penis as hard as he can while cackling, leaving me no choice but to acknowledge his status as the man of the house.

damn the Catholics are goin OFF today

So “activating” your “vocal stim” is just quoting a clip you like? NOT EVERY WHEEL NEEDS TO BE REINVENTED

Anybody down to chat on AIM later?

If Hemingway were alive today it’d be “Amazon return: baby shoes, never worn.”

The only ICE I want at the airport are the cubes floating in my Dunkalatte!

DOUBLE FEATURE: Devin & Diston + Cook County Social Club Wednesday, March 25, 2026 – 7:00 pm LA - FRANKLIN Two-person improv from your favorite comedians & big laughs from the Midwest’s best! DEVIN & DISTON: Join Shaun Diston (Twisted Metal) and Devin Field...

It's that time again
For @shaundiston.bsky.social and I to do two person improv
And for you to buy a ticket to see it live at UCB LA
Or to watch the livestream
And if you're a UCB student, it's FREE
3/25 7:00pm
JOIN US, WON'T YOU

You, Me, Dupree and Tuscany

I’m just tryina bring about the Butlerian jihad death to AI my brothers let the holy war begin

as someone who has read this book every goddamn night for a year: 👏👏👏

This is so fucking lame. Every other competing country is having a non-stop baseball party, while team USA is joylessly listening to a weirdo tell the story of that time he killed a guy.

Just learned it was released August 17th 2001, likely making it the last movie I saw in theaters before 9/11

Betting big money that the Oscars will once again be swept by the hit 2001 comedy Rat Race (the TBS broadcast cut)

Tuned into the stadium feed of the Spurs game just in time to see The Coyote wheel out a t-shirt cannon and make the sign of the cross before opening fire. Adding him to my spreadsheet of mascots that are practicing Catholics.

Your government blew up an elementary school and lied right to your face about it and your taxes are due next month.

My one-year-old son walked up to me, smiling, his hand closed in a fist. “What have you got there?” I asked, and he laughed as he dropped a live spider in my open palm.

There are few more appropriate ways to commemorate America's 250th anniversary than by starting a new forever war in the Middle East.

I think it’s all of our civic duty to leave this weekend at least as informed about Iran as we are about Shia LaBeouf’s Mardi Gras experience.

These two fucks have a show tomorrow night and there's nothing you can do but ATTEND
live and live-streamed
get tickets here: ucbcomedy.com/show/double-...

HOT SHOW THIS WEEK
get tickets for Devin & Diston 2/25 7:00pm @ UCB
ucbcomedy.com/show/double-...

Many are saying this may be the most Californian person to ever exist:

I can’t watch The Olympics anymore. If I wanted a bunch of 17 year olds to make me feel bad about myself, I’d go to the mall.

when the bagel place gives me the wrong kind of bagel but I don’t realize it until I get home so now I have to decide if I want to eat the bagel I won’t really like or go back to the bagel place and make a little scene

Democrats are currently texting me like “I have DEPRESSION because of THE BAD STUFF which is why I’m SITTING DOWN and the only cure is YOUR MONEY.”

On our flight yesterday we sat behind a 4 year old boy who asked us if we spoke Chinese, told us we MUST go to Singapore, then spent the next four hours farting almost constantly.

Books are so fucking good, man. Huge shoutout to everyone who’s writing ‘em.

Wayne and Garth would have had a damn field day with this one: